30 September 2009

Top white lie to shun sex: I''m too tired

The humble headache has had its day as far as excuses to avoid sex are concerned, for now the reigning white lie to snub a romp is ''I''m too tired'', says a new survey.

''I''ve got a headache'' has lost its lustre and fallen to number three in the list behind ''''I''m not in the mood''.

Other white lies to make the top five included ''I''ve got to get up early in the morning'''' and ''I''m pre-occupied with work''.

The conclusion was made after studying 4,000 adults.

The not-so-kinky research also revealed that one in five Brits regularly make excuses to avoid having sex.

Seven out of 10 said they were often too exhausted to enjoy sex. And four out of 10 said the recession had played havoc with their sex life, the study found, reports The Telegraph.

A spokesman for www.OnePoll.com, which carried out the study, said: ''The humble headache has had its day as far as excuses are concerned.

''Tiredness plays a much bigger part in our reasons not to climb between the sheets these days and enjoy some quality time together.

''''And its hardly surprising when we are all working longer hours than ever before and have so many things to worry about.

''''Fears over whether will be able to pay our mortgages or even whether we will have a job in a month''s time are bound to affect our bedroom performance.

''''It was intriguing to see just how the recession has affected our passion levels too.''''

The report also found men are more likely to make excuses than women with 27 per cent admitting they often avoided sex compared to 18 per cent of women.

Top Ten Sex Excuses

1. Too tired

2. I''m not in the mood

3. I''ve got a headache

4. I''ve got to get up in the morning

5. I''m pre-occupied with work

6. I''m angry with you

7. I can hear one of the children

8. You need a shower

9. I''ve got a bad back

10. Too soon in our relationship.

Women have sex to relieve boredom

Women indulge in sex not for love and passion, but for various other “unromantic” reasons including relieving themselves of boredom, out of pity for a man and even to cure a migraine headacheĆ¢ says a new book.

‘Why Women Have Sex’ by Cindy Meston and David Buss has highlighted 200 reasons as to why women have sexual intercourse.

While attraction ranks way down in the list, it seems that women go to bed with their partners as a way of relieving boredom, keeping the peace, curing a headache and even as a thank you for a nice dinner.

“Research has shown that most men find most women at least somewhat sexually attractive, whereas most women do not find most men sexually attractive at all,” the Telegraph quoted the authors, who are both psychology professors at the University of Texas, as saying.

The researchers interviewed 1,006 women as research for the book, and found some very surprising answers.

One revealed that she did it for a spiritual experience, as she thought it to be “the closest thing to God”.

Others listed “cure for stress headache”, “to make my sexual skills better” and “for a clearer complexion”.

However, the majority (84 per cent), admitted that they had sex to ensure a quiet life or to bargain for their partners to carry out household chores.

“I have sex to relieve the boredom. Because it’s easier than fighting. Plus it gives me something to do,” said one of the interviewee.

While another admitted: “I had sex with a couple of guys because I felt sorry for them.”

One of the surveys carried out by the authors revealed that one in ten women admitted having sexual intercourse in return for presents, or lavish meals.

Responses included “he bought me a nice dinner” or “he spent a lot of money on me early on”, “he gave me gifts early on” and “he showed me he had an extravagant lifestyle”.

Online date-chats may lead to unsafe sex

People who go online to find sex partners are likely to have unsafe sex, reveals a new survey.

According to Dr Philippe Adam, the act of engaging in "fantasy" cyber chatting on online matchmaking sites could encourage unsafe sex.

"Something very specific is created in the dynamic of chatting that produces risk," News.com.au quoted Adam as saying.

"Most people think going online will not have any consequences in real life but the results we have show the contrary," he added.

During the study, the researchers analysed almost 2600 users of a gay match-making website in France.

It found almost 96 per cent of the men said they intended to use a condom for any resulting sexual encounter.

However, 32 per cent went on to have unprotected sex when they had a real, as opposed to virtual, meeting.

The study also showed that those whose shared "fantasy" conversations included references to unsafe sex were far more likely to later engage in it.

The research finding runs counter to a commonly held view, said Adam, that most people who used these websites were seeking partners for unsafe sex.

"That's less than five per cent, it's only a couple of per cent among gay men and it is certainly even lower in the heterosexual population," he said.

"In fact, people go online without having the intention to take risk but they start progressively engaging in sharing fantasies online, sometimes they accept some fantasies around unprotected sex, and this creates scripts in their mind that influence their real life behaviour," he added.

Adam says that a similar Australian-based study of the impact of cyber-chat on sex practises would soon get underway, with results expected early next year.

Relax, gear up for longer sessions

Sessions of extended lovemaking are a dream for many. Many who send in letters seeking advice seem to look for an opportunity to stay beneath the sheets for hours together. Besides these group of men and women, there are others who get the chance but fail in keeping the extended bit of time going. When such rare occasion does arise one needs to make it a point to keep it enjoyable as well as enduring if the session needs to be unending.

So what do you do to keep yourself in good form? My advice is that

even the most virile and energetic must rest and rejuvenate. Here are a few tips:

Next time you ready yourself for a marathon love making session, make sure you eat something that releases energy slowly. Grains and low GI carbohydrates are suggested. Plus, make sure you are well hydrated.

Try your best to delay orgasm. Do this by choosing positions that provide less stimulation. Positions can be altered when you you feel like you are losing it. And, important, an orgasm is never the end of a session. A short rest before you resume is advised.

Engage in cuddling, fondling, massage, general touching, and kissing. A rest does not have to be totally sexual in nature. Couples can make love for hours by exploring new ways of loving.

If you thought alcoholic drinks can be a relaxant, fine. But then keep your wine glass away after two or three drinks. Alcohol lowers a man's ability to achieve and maintain erections, that's why. It is also common knowledge that alcohol has sedative effects. It could make you to fall asleep so easily.

Try things in a more innovative way. Sex toys like vibrators, beads or other sex paraphernalia can add to the fun if used in the proper way.

Last but not the least, sex play for hours could cause dryness. So it would be good if you keep a quality lubricant handy. A brand that tastes nice and is non-greasy is advised.

Spicing it up with sexperiments

How many of you know that there's more to a rocking sex life than just simple, great sex? In fact, marvelous sex includes different kinds of sex, even the ones you haven't dared to experiment with.

It has been found that couples in long-term relationship often opt for this kind of act as they miss the excitement and lust filled initial-days of their relationship. With time, a couple's love life loses its zing and to get it back one needs to try new things. This is when they try pushing the regular comfort zones.

So what does experimenting mean? Trying a new position or a new room in the house might be included. Couples can even try out making love on the terrace or in the balcony or at some public place. But make sure no embarrassment happens.

The wow feeling is the bonus when you experiment. The we've never done that before" excitement is enough to bring back the fun.

No matter how long you've been in a relationship, you need to have some out of the world sexual experience at least once a while. So try pushing the boundaries, as this will heighten the trust between you partners. It can also help in creating an exceptional comfort level and minimise the possibilities of casual flings outside the relationship.

Whats more, go on a vacation when both of you are ready. Venture into some romantic locale and get things going. Vacation sexcapades can be a good catalyst to reignite the passion in a relationship.

Also make sure you leave your laptop behind, and switch off the cell phone. Gadgets such as these can be major irritants.

Mistakes women make in bed

A lot of who confess about the mistakes they make in bed. Most of them are not just interesting but are serious enough to be dissected. Let me look at a few mistakes women inadvertently commit while having sex.

Though it is common knowledge that men are more active during sex and expect their mate to be equally participative, it is to be understood that women are not far behind. However, most often that not, they keep their desires and apprehensions under wraps, thereby committing several sex mistakes. Here are some of them:

Action, not speech, counts

Women insisting on talking more when in bed. They actually end up spoiling the mood for steamy session under the covers. It is to be noted that sex is about close gestures, physical intimacy and exchange of touch with the partner, so too much talking is a strict NO. Women must understand the mood of the situation and accordingly cut down their discussions and concentrate more on love making .

Position probs

Women tend to get apprehensive about sex positions. And, they most of the time, end up getting anxious about trying out newer positions. Apprehensions about new positions make women restraining their partner from experiencing full pleasure. This is simply Bad! What I advise is, whatever position you mate is keen on trying, let him progress slowly . Never get restless, and if at all you still get uneasy, voice yoour concern in a soft manner.

Stop seeing it as a give and take deal

Treating sex as obligation means you are not made for it. Such an attitude can be a big turn off. To put it simple, even if you have experienced an orgasm, make sure you hold on to the pleasure moments till your partner achieves one.

Post-coital sexcapades: Have you tried these?

Does your man sleep off after a steamy bout of sex? Love making does not end with the act. It is common knowledge that having sex puts men to sleep but wakes women up. As per research, post intercourse, the male brain often goes into a rest state as he feels drained and tired, while the woman's brain is stimulated and intensely desires bonding.

So what do we do to tackle this sticky issue? Here are some tips to keep the desire burning even after the act is over..

Praise his sex skills

Men exult when they are complimented. So before he dozes off after climaxing, tell him he just drove you wild. Most men feel anxious about their performance, and when they hear it from you that you had a good time in bed, he would be ready for more. Flatter him to the core, and see the magic!

A post-coital massage helps

Ever tried massaging his foreplay hot spots after sex? Dothat next time around. A man loves being stroked by his girl after sex. For a more relaxing and sensual session, position yourself so that you're lying on your side, facing him. Trace light circles on his torso. Starting at the chest, move around the navel, skim the pelvic bone and continue back up. Such moves will allow you to tickle his fancy while still maintaining an intimate post-sex gaze. Don't stop. Tempt him into more action.

Shower together

Romantic men say that the most erotic thing women could do after sex is suggest a shower for two. Hot and nude under the shower can work wonders. Here's a suggestion: Start by taking turns slowly scrubbing each other's back, shoulders, and neck. Then press up against your lover for some sexy snuggling under the shower stream, running your slippery wet hands over his back and bottoms. This may help in prolonging the post-orgasmic flush of the just ended hot session.

Do it yourself in front of him

Have you ever triied touching yourself after sex in front of your man? If you desire for a repeat but he's totally drained out, what else could you do? Sit naked in front of him and do it. Whether he joins in or not, guys love to watch, so it's a win-win situation. It surely will get him aroused.

Sleep tight in his arms

Postcoital sleep is beauty sleep indeed. Being held after sex can make you feel good. He cant just sleep While he gets to kick back and indulge his snooze reflex. It has been found true that men find lying in bed together holding his girlfriend after sex is a big excitement.

Confidence, not size or position, matters

Unsatisfied couples who come to me often complain of lack of knowledge about sexual positions. There are some others who take looks and physique of their mate very seriously and end up dissatisfied. Let me tell you, a great physique or some kinky positions may not give you quality bedroom time. What is more important is knowing your partner well.

Many couples in India are misinformed or under informed about sex. A conservative family background, embarrassment about talking sex even with partner et al prove to be bane.

It is often found that people assume your partner will know what you want if they really love you. Wrong. If you really love your partner, take the initiative to speak up and actually talk about what you want and what the two of you could improve upon in the bedroom. Also expecting your lover to be superhuman and all knowing is not done.

If you are someone who get a yawn just about when you look at your bed, then probably you are bored with your sex life. Hectic schedules and family responsibilities leave hardly any time for sex, let alone innovative sex. But if you want to do more than sleep in the bedroom, you should give some thought to doing it differently.

Monotony brings in boredom. When boredom creeps in, sex becomes monotonous. Try varied acts each time. There are many ways to go about it. Crotchless panties, dirty talk, kinky stuff, sexy massages, innovative positions and all can bring steamy sex back to your bedroom.

Never make sex a one-sided effort. Women think men should initiate sex. They also think men are natural aggressors and its their role to desire lovemaking more than women do. Wrong again. Dont let one person do all the work. Initiate sex more often, and when your partner least expects it. You may even try seduction during a boring car ride.

People tend to worry more about looks and physique when it comes to sex. This can stand in the way of really enjoying sex. Have in mind not every one is meant to look like a supermodel. Men have a problem. They tend to think they are not big enough where it matters most. It is always good to trust your partner to like you just the way you are, the way you like them. The bottomline is: Confidence grows with good sex, Feel good yourself in bed. Your partner will shed all inhibitions.

Girls love it when men use cheesy lines

The next time you approach a girl, do not hesitate to try out a cheesy chat-up line because girls absolutely love it, for they give a glimpse of a man''s sense of humour.

According to a study, six out of 10 ladies are more likely to fall for a man if he breaks the ice with a light-hearted one-liner.

Conducted by www.OnePoll.com, the survey, which questioned 4,000 adults, revealed that four out of 10 women were still dating or were married to a man who first approached them with a funny quip.

However, not every line can do the trick for you-it was found that there are do''s and don''ts in the dating game as well.

Lines such as "Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?", and "Apart from being beautiful, what do you do for a living?" worked "most of the time".

But "Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes" and "Is there a rainbow, because you''re the treasure I''ve been searching for," were likely to end up in red-faced failure for being "too over the top".

The study found that seven out of 10 women like being chatted up while out with friends as it gives their confidence a boost - as long as the potential suitor is good looking.

"Women like a guy with a sense of humour and a cheesy chat-up line is a good way of displaying that," the Daily Express quoted a spokesman for www.OnePoll.com, as saying

"To fire off a good chat-up line at a pretty girl the man will have to be pretty confident too, and women like confident men.

"At the very worst you''re probably going to get a smile and a polite ''sorry, I''m not interested'', but it seems there are some lines which actually work very well indeed.

"These are the ones which are light-hearted and quite clever and well thought out. It''s the really awful ones which are going to end up with a bloke having egg on his face in front of his mates," he added.

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