15 November 2009

15 secrets you never knew about your girl

The woman in your life may give you her heart, soul and, of course, her body, but still there’s a part of her being that she’ll never share with you ... stuff that makes her a mystery .
Yes, your woman is a den of mysteries hinted to you in her sly smile, enigmatic laughter or that sudden silence. She just pretends to be one, but is never an open book to you. Her deepest secrets are what add to her charm ... but render you an outsider in her own ‘Secret Garden’. Secrets of her unshared yearnings, cherished fantasies or for that matter, a secret lover from the past ...
Here’s a peep into those hidden secrets ... dig into them at your own risk!
- I might just hate it when you sleep in that office shirt, but when you are away, I love to snuggle up in your shirt because it smells of you.
- Though I insist on paying the bill or sharing it in our initial dates, I’ll find you cheap and so non-chivalrous in case you don’t insist on making the payment.
- Long before we explored each other’s bodies, I had been fantasizing about being with you. That inhibition was only to get assured that you are all mine.
- I do think about my ex-es and compare them to you. Mostly you win, but you are not all perfect.
- ‘I don’t care you call or not’ is pure pretence. In fact, I start waiting for your next call the moment one ends. Not just this, I eagerly want you to plan our next date even before the current one ends. I might not show it. So, don’t fret about looking desperate just call! The gap looks like a lifetime to me.
- During the initial days of our relationship, I used to save all our chat histories and your SMSes and read them again and again. Sometimes, made my friends read them, too.
- The day you shared your password with me, digging into your chat records and mails was the first thing I did.
- I would love to know what turns you on. Though, I know it’s going to be hilarious as I’ve seen your frequently-visited porn sites.
- You don’t have to be a ‘good boy’ with me all the time. I don’t mind talking a little dirty.
- You are my soul mate, but my ‘best friend’ is my confidante. From the size of your pay cheque, bank account to the size of your other assets...she knows it all. So, till you are telling her how much you love me all’s fine. Remember she’s my best friend and never yours.
- You rightly blame me for bombarding you with so many questions. But, that’s my way of testing you. I judge and analyse you on every word, expression, action, e-mail or SMS you write to me or someone else. So, when I ask “Do you fantasize about other women?,” the answer has to be “Why would I when I am with you?” So, better watch out!
- I love to make you a little jealous as it makes me feel wanted. So the next time you spot me flirting with your friend, know that I’m actually flirting with you through her.
- Every time I fight with you is because I feel ignored. Don’t get into your cocoon when I’m bad. Just give me what I’m fighting for – a little attention and I’ll be all yours.
- I love to get constant reminders of the much known fact that – you need me. So, what’s the harm in dropping liners saying ‘You complete me’ or ‘Don’t ever leave me alone’ ... ?
- Last but not the least, irrespective of how independent and self-driven I am, how ever much I may say that I don’t need a man to be happy, but still I want you to take charge when we are in bed.

Now, kids find a sex game!

Brit kids, as young as seven, are increasingly shopping for "shag bands"- cheap plastic bracelets with different colours, referring to various sex acts.
Available for just 1 pound on any High Street, the shag bands have become the latest craze among students, and horrified parents across the country. The different colours - black, blue, red, pink, purple, orange, yellow, green and gold - show how far the little pupils will "go" if propositioned, from a kiss to full sex.
Kids chase each other around schools, and, if they break the band off the wearer’s wrist, the wearer has to offer the physical act that corresponds to the colour of the band. "A yellow band is the best because all it means is you have to hug a boy. An orange means a love bite and purple is a full-on snog," The Sun quoted a 12-year-old girl as saying.
"If a boy breaks a pink band, a girl has to flash her boobs, a red band means you have to give him a lap dance and a blue is some sort of oral sex. The black means you have to go all the way with a boy. "A gold band is the most important and means you have to do all of the above. They are pretty rare, so if you find a gold band in a shop, you have to get your mum to buy it. "I don’t think parents have any idea what the bracelets mean because all the kids at my school wear them and don’t get told off," she added.
And if this is not enough, those who do not wear a bracelet are looked down by their peers, while they get respect for wearing the more daring black and gold ones. Parents, who happen to know about the trend, are disgusted with the promiscuous behaviour their kids are indulging in. While some schools and parents have confiscated the bands, many are still unaware of the meaning behind the bracelets.
Another shocking craze many parents are oblivious to is "rainbow parties" - booze and drug-fuelled gatherings where girls wear bright lipstick of different colours to leave their "mark" on boys while giving them oral sex.

How to endure a sex marathon

Not very often does one get the opportunity to spend extended lovemaking time with their lover, but when such rare occasion does arise one should make it a point to keep it enjoyable as well as enduring.
Enduring a sex marathon can take a few hours or longer if the situation demands it, and many times it could go all night.
Thus, to keep oneself in good form, even the most virile and energetic must rest and rejuvenate, reports Fox News.
Before embarking on your sex marathon, it is better to be well-fed (but not too well) with food that releases energy slowly (such as grains and low GI carbohydrates) and be well hydrated.
And here are some tips on enduring a sex marathon:

Don’t orgasm
You can do this by choosing positions that provide less stimulation - because everyone is different, only you will know what these are for you. Change positions if you feel like you’re losing the power of your drive and erection or getting too close to orgasm. Bear in mind that having an orgasm isn’t the end of the session and you can take a rest before you continue. This is a good time to experiment with positions that you may not have tried with your partner.
Pleasure her to keep the focus off of you
If you do happen to need a rest while enduring a sex marathon or you do orgasm, you can easily shift the focus off of you and onto her. This can include cuddling, fondling, massage, general touching, and kissing. A rest does not have to be totally sexual in nature, and it is just as nice to make love for hours as it is to just touch each other in nice ways - or invent new ways of loving.

Don’t drink too much
Alcohol is known to be a relaxant and can be a wonderful addition to the time you share with your lover. In saying that, after two or more drinks, alcohol lowers a man’s ability to achieve and maintain erections, and can trigger an inability to orgasm for a long time. Alcohol also has sedative effects - it could cause you to fall asleep easily. Drinking can also encourage unsafe behaviour. Drinking too much alcohol will not help enduring a sex marathon.

Get creative
While enduring a sex marathon, you can introduce sex toys like vibrators, beads or sex paraphernalia such as whips, ropes and blindfolds. Food is also a great diversion and pleasure- ice cream, chocolate sauce or whipped cream are great. Get creative - you can draw out the process for quite some time with some very lusty teasing using these objects.

Keep lube handy
One of the main problems of sex play for hours could be dryness, so keep some good quality lubricant handy, one that tastes nice and is non-greasy. A glass of water nearby is also going to be useful, not only to rehydrate but to moisten your mouth.

05 November 2009

Is it essential to have sex on first night?

Question : I am a 23-year- old girl and will be getting married soon. However, I am getting increasingly worried about the sexual relationship that marriage will bring with it. Since I have never been in any relationship before, most of my doubts about sex have been clarified by my friends. But my biggest concern is that if my husband forces me to have sex on our first night together, I will not be ready for it. Tell me, is it essential for the marriage to be consummated on the first night itself ? 
Answer: Most of the people I have known consummated their marriage several days after they were married. Of course, that is if they hadn't done so before the wedding day itself ! In today's world, in which pre-marriage festivities go on for several days, if not weeks, the newly-weds are probably sleeping together even before they hit the suhaag raat bed. 
Postmarriage, it is only when all the tiredness and fatigue of the wedding ceremonies have eased off that the couple gets into the mood. However, if the first few encounters are not pleasurable enough, these will probably leave a negative impact on the psyche. 
Here's a message for all those out there who are about to hit the nuptial sack: Consummate at ease, or repent at leisure! Sex or making love can be the source of so much pleasure, provided a few clumsy, hasty, pain-filled strokes at the outset don't leave any kind of negative mark on the psyche of any of the two participants. My clinic cupboards are full of case histories of couples who thought that the suhaag raat was make or break day when the butterflies had to be set free. And they were finally presented with vaginismus or erectile dysfunction/impotence because of their unseemly haste. 

How to avoid premature ejaculation?

Question: How can one avoid premature ejaculation?

Answer: You must try to become more aware of your body and how you respond during sex, from the initial excitement through the plateau when you’re fully aroused up till the time you reach your orgasm. Take deep breaths. This helps interrupt your stress response and forces you to relax. Also, try to be active with your whole body during sex—using full-body caresses and non-genital touching—instead of merely fixating on your penis.

How to Have Safe Sex

Things You'll Need

Condoms With Spermicide
Dental Dams
Female Condoms
Latex Gloves
Lubricated Latex Condoms
Personal Lubricants
Specialty Condom
Know your partner. Sex with anonymous partners carries a higher risk, as the HIV and STD (sexually transmitted disease) status of the partner is unknown.

Touching provides a minimal amount of risk. HIV and most other STDs are not transmitted merely through touching, except for syphilis. If contact is made with an open sore or ulcer on a person's genitalia caused by syphilis, a risk of transmission does exist.

Kissing provides a minimal amount of risk as well. But cold sores, often caused by the herpes virus, can be transmitted by kissing so you should avoid kissing if you or your partner is having an outbreak.

Be sure to use a condom or dental dam when having genital-oral sex.

Use a dental dam, or a condom cut lengthwise, when having anal-oral sex. Vaccination against hepatitis A is recommended as well.

Keep in mind that other diseases can also be transmitted to both partners by oral sex. These include gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, herpes, genital warts, parasites, giardia and hepatitis.

Don't forget to use a female condom or condom with spermicide when having vaginal intercourse. Unprotected vaginal sex carries a very high risk of transmitting HIV between partners. Remember that other diseases can also be transmitted to both partners during vaginal sex, including gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, herpes, genital warts and hepatitis.

Use condoms when having anal sex, as microscopic tears in the anal wall occur easily and provide a rapid and efficient mode of transmission for HIV. Use lubricant or lubricated condoms to prevent friction that can disturb the lining of the anal canal.

Remember that other diseases can also be transmitted to both partners during anal sex, including gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, herpes, genital warts and hepatitis.

Wash all sex toys between partners to decrease the risk of transmitting HIV and other STDs.

Tips & Warnings
Masturbation, next to abstinence, is likely the safest sex.
In male-to-male or female-to-male oral sex, if protection is not used, it is important not to reach orgasm while the penis is inside the partner's mouth. Semen carries a high concentration of HIV. Also, avoid "deep throating" because this vigorous activity may disrupt the tissues at the back of the throat, allowing HIV to be more easily transmitted. It's also best not to brush or floss your teeth before unprotected oral sex.
Oil-based products can compromise the effectiveness of the condom or dental dam and allow HIV to be transmitted - always use water-based lubricants instead.
The person giving oral sex carries a higher risk of acquiring HIV than the person receiving.
Drugs and alcohol can affect your judgement. Several studies have demonstrated increased risks of HIV transmission when one or both partners are intoxicated.
Although female-to-female sex is statistically the least likely form of sexual intercourse in which to acquire and/or transmit HIV, transmission has been reported and safer sex guidelines should be followed.

Top 10 ways to keep her interested

How does one catch and keep the attention of a beautiful woman one has just met? Try not to be perplexed as by following these quick tips, you  should stay on the right track... 
You met her for the first time when you were jogging in the park in your block and so was she. She had dropped her mobile somewhere and you had helped her hunt for it. Now that you are friends, you fear losing her to someone more suitable. Don’t worry as here’s a ready reckoner on how you could keep her interested in you – always! 
# 1 Improve yourself 
It’s utterly delightful for a woman to meet someone who smells fresh, looks divine and is most articulate. Take out sometime to work on yourself. Invest in yourself – get an education on how to attract women naturally – and that’ll do more than anything else to put you on the path to success with the woman you want. 
# 2 Re-align your body language 
Isn’t it always the physicality of things? When you’re approaching a woman, remember that your body language is more important than the words you use. Don’t be submissive, apologetic body language and voice tones. Think about how you'd act if you were the “selector” – if you wanted to find out if she’s exceptional enough that you’d want to get to know her better, instead of you being concerned about whether or not she's going to like you. 
# 3 Know what to say ahead of time 
You wouldn’t want to be tongue-tied in front of a woman. So think carefully about the different ways you could start a conversation, pick your favourite, and mentally rehearse it. Most of the guys I know who are great with women use the simplest of simple conversation starters. "Hi." "What are you drinking?" "Hey, are you from around here?" I realize that these sound simple, and they are. But they're so simple that they're disarming. They don't come across as canned "pickup lines,” and they help you figure out very quickly if the woman you're talking to is friendly. 
# 4 Be in charge 
When you’re out with a woman and you’re teasing her, she might say: "You're mean... Stop it!" or "I don't like that..." Usually it’s because she's trying to see if she can control you, because she perceives that you are now taking control. When this happens, try shooting something back like: "I'm glad you like it." This is confusing to them. Women may argue with you, but deep down they will respect you and feel more attracted towards you. 
# 5 Three more dos and don'ts of body language 
Do hold yourself upright; think of how you'd hold yourself if you were the most confident man in the world. Do move slowly, gesture slowly and speak slowly. This communicates comfort and confidence. Do pause often. Stay cool, and pause if you need to in order to keep your composure. Don’t talk too fast or too much. This communicates that you're nervous (unless you're naturally a chatty guy). Don’t break eye contact. At first, you need to maintain eye contact until she breaks it. This establishes, at an unconscious level, that you're not afraid. Practice these tips over and over again, and you’ll notice a big difference in how women respond to you. 
# 6 Get numbers smoothly 
It might surprise you, but if the conversation is going well, a woman will often give you her number within a minute or two of meeting you. The secret is to ask correctly when you’re leaving. Ask her if she has e-mail, then when she says yes, tell her: “Great, I'm leaving, but I'd like to chat with you again. Here, write it down. And write your number there, too." You'll find that many of the women you ask will just give you their e-mail and number that easily. The more you do it, the easier it gets. 
# 7 Be comfortable with awkward silences 
Most guys get uncomfortable at some point during a date, and they begin to let their emotions and insecurities get the best of them. They start to think, "Uh-oh. I need to do something to impress her, or say something to make her laugh or she won't like me.” If you begin to feel this kind of thing happening, it's probably time to do something. Get up, go for a walk and move around. Tell a funny story about something that happened to you when you were a kid. Go to the store and look at magazines and make fun of famous people. Just do something! The thing that determines whether a silence was "uncomfortable" or not is what you do after the silence is over. If you act cool and casual, then it won't be a big deal. 
# 8 Forget the tricks 
Many guys think they need to use “trickery” to figure out something important about a woman. Let's say you've placed a personal ad online, a cute woman replies, she sends you a picture, but it only shows her face – and you're interested in women who are tall and slim. Don’t make the mistake of trying to figure out some slick way to get her to share how much she weighs without having to ask. Just e-mail her and say: "Hey, how tall are you and how much do you weigh? I really prefer women who are slim. Let me know.” That's it. Be classy but direct and you’ll get to where you want to go faster. 
# 9 Online attention 
The mistake men make online is writing normal, boring stuff and asking normal, boring questions. Instead, when you get a reply, e-mail and ask her for her number and tell her that you're swamped with a million messages from supermodels who keep bragging about how much money they have, and she needs to act fast or you'll be gone. Do not, under any circumstances, talk about lame, normal stuff. This will give you an advantage over 90 per cent of the other men looking for women online. 
#10 Don't give in to tantrums 
Many women will test you by complaining about themselves. The next time this happens, take whatever she’s saying and turn it up a notch. If she says: "My hair makes me look so ugly,” just reply, "You know, I wasn't going to say anything, but..." Remember, combine cocky with funny and you have an excellent chance of hitting her attraction buttons. If you really want to be bold, just say: "So, what am I going to get paid for babysitting tonight?" Or even better, "Did this stuff work on your dad? Why didn't he spank you more?"

03 November 2009

Condom slipped! Took pill, can I get pregnant?

Question: During our last intercourse, the condom slipped off. Though I took a morning-after pill, I worry that I may be pregnant. Is it possible? Also, do morning-after pills work as contraceptives too? 
Answer: If you took the morning-after pill within 72 hours of intercourse, it is not possible for you to get pregnant, However, since different pills have different dosages, check with your gynaecologist and follow the full course. But the morning-after pill is only an emergency pill. It is not to be used regularly as a contraceptive. Other than condoms (and female condoms are not commonly available in India), you can try these contraceptive methods. Contraceptive pills: They are of two kinds: combined pills (containing both estrogens and progesterone) and progesterone pills (recommended for lactating women). These can be taken from Days three–five of your menstrual cycle till Day 21. 
Safe days: 
The seven days starting from the first day of your menstrual cycle constitute the safe zone for unprotected intercourse. The next 10 days are highly unsafe, as the ovum matures and is ready to be fertilised. The last five to seven days are safe. But remember, ova and sperms stay alive for 42-72 hours. If a sperm stays alive in your unsafe period, you may just get pregnant in the safe period! So, this is not a foolproof method. 
This hormone-containing tablet is inserted into the vagina 30 minutes before intercourse. 
Copper T: 
This has to be surgically inserted and comes in different versions, which can last three, five or 10 years. 

Should I tell my hubby about my extra-marital affair?

Question: I am a 26-year woman and I got married last year. Before my marriage, I had an affair with my sister’s brother-in-law. It Should I tell my hubby about myextra-marital affair? 
all started accidentally. There was no attraction between us to start with. However, we have become intimate with each other. This sexual intimacy continued for nearly three years. Then I got married but my husband has not been able to provide the sort of sexual fulfilment that I was getting from my boyfriend. He still keeps on visiting us or I go to his house to have sex on a regular basis. I keep wondering whether I should tell my husband about this affair or else continue with it discretely. 
Answer: Do not lose sight of one unalterable fact. And that is, there is a time and place for everything. If there was more in this affair for you than plain sexual gratification, I am sure you would have sought it out for yourself. Either you didn’t, or you did and it did not work out. And if it did not evolve into anything better then, what is the catalyst this time? Get rid of preconceived notions or biases about the sexual act. There is no reason why your husband cannot be a better lover than he is now, if only you become a more willing participant. And that is only going to start when you stop making odious comparisons. The day your dalliance comes out in the open, in all probability, there is going to be no sexual fulfilment, no boyfriend, no marriage and no husband. Concentrate on your marital relationship.

What should you think during sex?

You might have read a lot about foreplay acts that can arouse your senses for a steamy romp, aphrodisiacs that can boost your sex drive, sex positions that can bring the ultimate gratification in bed. But none would have actually paid attention to the thoughts that run through our minds while having sex. 
It apparently remains a lesser known fact that ‘thoughts’ play a crucial role in evoking your sexual senses and can also enhance your bedroom performance. However it varies from one couple to another as to what they prefer envisioning while having sex. But it surely has to be something that tends to boost your sexual performance and adds to your lovemaking joy.
Dr. Amit Agarwal, a Mumbai-based sexologist explains, “Focused thoughts about sex-related acts make you feel sexually charged up and thus your performance also gets improved. It could be anything from thinking about an erotic novel to a porn film scene to recalling your best sexual experience so far. It might not be easy to keep thinking about the same thing, so bring variety into your thoughts and let them wander freely, but keep ‘sex’ as the main domain.” 
Dr. Chirta Bakshi, a relationship counselor adds, “Couples must think only ‘sex’ while performing in bed. Keeping other things in mind including kids, workplace tensions, friends and household work etc. will just kill the passion and hence create troubles in your sexual relationship.” 
So if a few little thoughts can heighten your love sensations like never before, then why not let them exist in your head each time you gear up for an intimate sack session. 
Here we list some effective thoughts, thinking of which will certainly do wonders in your sexual paradise and will keep you sexually aroused for a night of passion... 
Scene from a porn flick : Visualising a sexually arousing and naughty film scene is bound to push you towards a steamier sex romp. It will not only induce your sexual senses to act wilder, but will let you get more intense in your performance as you keep thinking about that sensual porn scene. 
Khajurao paintings : Apart from a movie scene, Khajurao art has the power to instill a feeling of sexual intimacy. Thinking and envisaging the sexually arousing paintings embedded on the walls of Khajurao detailing various sex positions is bound to add to your sex drive and bring in a temptation for you to try those acts. 
Kamasutra teachings : It brings immense pleasure and knowledge to watch a Kamasutra film together with your partner. And it can be more helpful if you let those teachings be a part of your sex session. Think how the couple in the movie made love to each other, recall the passion with which they came closer and as you let the same mood build in your bedroom, try reacting the movie moves to make your night headier. 
Sexually inclined literature : You might have read a romantic or sexual novel sometime in the past, but there's no use letting it be dumped in your mind. Bring out the erotica that it intended to create. While making love to your partner, think about some special excerpts and sentences from the novel, which lets you get more intimate with your lover. Reading some sex oriented stuff and then implementing the same in your bedroom will heighten pleasure. 
The Big O : Reaching the climax is one thing and thinking about it during sex is even more enticing. While performing in bed and as you proceed towards the peaking moments, keeping the Big O moment in mind helps activate the passion like never before. Think how your partner moaned the last time when you had a gratifying orgasm and the mere thought of it will intensify your excitement. 
Sexual fantasies : Sharing your fantasies enhances your sexual pleasure, but thinking about your fantasies during sex is the best way to add punch to your sexual performance. During sex, it’s good to let your sexual desires run through your mind and as you move towards fulfilling them, the degree of joy will surely be more than what you expected. 
Past sex encounter : Recalling your most enjoyable sex-escapade helps in recreating an altogether different mood and you will be charged up in bed to perform better than before. Just thinking about what all you did on a particular night will make you feel happier and will add to the sexual experience as you try to add more to it. But be a bit extra cautious while thinking about a past sex encounter as it may backfire if you mistakenly compare your partner with someone else. 
Romantic time spent together : Remembering the cherished moments has all reasons to add joy to your sex life. It’s not necessarily that you think only about the sexual time spent together, but also the special moments, memorable dates etc... that can be gratifying during a lovemaking act. It will let you strengthen the love bond you share with your partner, which in turn will lead to a potent sex romp. 

Make fantasy sharing more exciting

With sexual fantasies giving a much-needed kick to your sex life, it’s a common practice for couples to harbour these desires. But when it comes to sharing them with their respective partners, a lot of couples feel apprehensive about baring their soul. 
Naughty or child-like, wild or porn-inspired, simple or out-of-the-box, the innate nature of sexual fantasies varies for different couples. But unless you share them with your lover, it’s futile to expect that they can bring changes to your sexual paradise. Couples also need to realise that there’s nothing wrong in harbouring a sexual fantasy as it’s absolutely normal. 
Gitanjali Sharma, a relationship counselor explains, “You can directly communicate to your partner about what’s on your mind on a particular night. But your fantasy is not attached here. So an appropriate way to make fantasy sharing creative is to give small hints, signals and signs for your lover to catch. This way you would neither feel shy nor will it appear that you are directly asking for something. At the same time, an atmosphere will be created and your message will be conveyed. Consequently, your partner would be aroused too.” 
Partners who feel shy expressing their sexual desires might not get the desired pleasure in bed. So it’s important to exchange these sexual talks with your partner and make it a normal feature of your relationship. 
Giranjali further adds, “While sharing or expressing your sexual fantasies, do not send out the message that it’s your need and your partner has to perform them like an obligatory duty. Make an effort to arouse the same desire in them as well, so that both of you will be at same wavelength while performing the act, which is more pleasurable.’ 
Shedding all inhibitions and making fantasy sharing a simpler task in a relationship, we suggest some easy ways out to open up with your partner... 
A recorded tape can say it all : You would have seen this in Bollywood flicks, but a romantic message recorded in your voice can hit your partner’s moan zones the way you want it to. If you feel shy narrating your fantasy in front of your partner, just record it and as soon you proceed towards the bedroom for an intimate session, play the tape and let the passion be felt like never before. 
Expert tip : Dr. Anupam Randhawa, a clinical psychologist says, “It’s a great experience to listen to your mate’s voice and when the message being heard is sexual in nature, it’s an icing on the cake. But make sure that while recording, you don’t end up with a long message because it may not sustain your partner’s interest. So, keep it short, spicy and say exactly what you feel.” 
Nothing beats the visual medium : Actions can say a lot more than what you think. So make the most of them. If you’re hesitant in communicating your sexual fancies, just seek help from a visual medium. Either pick certain scenes from a movie or let the not-so-realistic porn convey your desires to your partner. 
Expert tip : Dr. Amita Mishra, sex and relationship expert shares, “It’s evident that watching erotic videos can give a much desired push to your sexual senses and leave you craving for more. Sharing your sexual fantasy through a visual medium adds more joy to you lovemaking session. You can even perform the act while the video is being played simultaneously to make it more stimulating.” 
Aphrodisiacs are in : You might have been cooking dishes that your beau loves, but if you wish to derive benefit out if it, think beyond! Use a lot of strawberries, cherries, kiwi, cream, nuts, red jellies and mango slices to tempt your partner and throw hints that you are charged up for a steamy romp. 
Expert tip : Dr. Medha Sharma, a relationship counselor opines, “Whenever you step out of the closet and are creative, it will always add to your sexual bliss. Let the ingredients and the flavour of the dish highlight your sexual desires and then it’s for your partner to figure out that you’re looking forward to a night of passion.” 
Say it in bits and pieces : For individuals who aren’t extroverted by nature, it might appear to be a tough task to say everything about their sexual desires at once. So try dividing the entire episode into small parts and let the messages be conveyed to your partner after short intervals throughout the day. 
Expert tip : “As you continue sharing tiny features about your sexual fantasy with your partner throughout the day, it will also act as an add-on to their mood. As they sum up all the messages, they will have a clear understanding as to what you expect from them, thus guaranteeing a gratifying act,” feels Dr. Randhawa. 
Let your gestures do the talking : Remember that your body language can reveal a lot about you, which you may not put across in words. At least when it comes to letting your partner learn your fantasies, this is the ultimate weapon, where your body says much about what you expect in bed. 
Expert tip : “Passing sexual hints is an effective medium to communicate what’s running through your mind. Make sure that you are articulate enough in your moves to make your partner understands and catches the right signals,’ suggests Dr. Amita. 
A written letter below the pillow : The idea may seem conventional, but if your sex life is going through a rough patch, it may be a blessing in disguise. When nothing else seems to be working, the best way to converse with your partner is through written words. And not to forget, you can be over-expressive too while penning down your sexual desires. 
Expert tip : “Love notes with naughty messages and your sexual fantasy written down in detail can serve the purpose. Though saying it verbally casts a different impact altogether, but if you play well with your words or try being a bit poetic in approach, it can certainly bring ultimate pleasure,” states Dr. Medha. 

10 tricks to bigger orgasms

While majority of couples wish to have extended massive orgasm (EMO), not everybody comes down to experiencing these repeated orgasmic waves. 
Lovers experiencing one of these massive orgasms have reported enjoying more of life’s joys in general, becoming nicer and more generous in their relationship. 
An EMO can last minutes or hours, offering up blissful sensations at increasing intensities, reports Fox News. 
And here are the tricks of this tantalizing trade: 
1. Truly recognize your pleasure 
You want to immediately approve of your present sensations. This starts before you even get in the sack by overcoming anxieties you have about sex. This may require identifying limitations you’ve been taught about sex, like how you’re supposed to respond (or not respond). You need to then challenge any social conditioning that impedes upon your response. 
Ridding yourself of the uninvited "others" in your bed will enable you to solely focus on the orgasmic sensations, including ones that come from simply anticipating action. 
2. Learn to relax 
Lovers have the tendency to tense up during sexual excitement, which is not conducive to extended orgasm. You need to be able to surrender your nervous system during genital stimulation. It’s this letting go of tension that allows you to embrace your pleasure. 
3. Get in the know 
The more we know about our bodies, sex, and sexual response, the better we can recognize sensations, the more we can lose ourselves in them. Become knowledgeable about sexual response, sexual anatomy, and erotic techniques. 
4. Give yourselves time for pleasuring 
Lovers may stimulate each other by fantasizing out loud, taking your time getting to the genitals and hot spots. Teasing allows for greater energy awareness and arousal, and these are what make the experience ultimately so mind-blowing. 
5. Touch for pleasure 
You can show your partner that you are into the moment by informing them about what you are going to do so he or she can surrender more easily. Highlighting a lover’s physical responses further enables them to tune into the sensations. 
6. Learn to channel your energy 
You want to get out of your head, directing your energy to your groin. This will make for more explosive results, plus help you to further tune into your sexual response. 
7. Become an effective communicator 
To amplify things up, you may need to request changes that will intensify your pleasure if you’re the receiver. As the giver, you may need to ask for feedback or direction. In either case, asking for more will help you to feel more. Giving approval can do wonders for a lover’s ego. 
8. Develop your pelvic floor muscles 
Exercising your pubbococcygeus (PC) muscle will put you more in tune with your sexual response. It’s also what makes for more powerful orgasms. 
9. Have plenty of lubricant handy 
As you will be loving for the long-haul, make sure you avoid the friction, pain, and discomfort that can result from working each other raw by using lube. 
10. Do away with any drive-thru mentality 
Having an EMO isn’t like going for fast food. One can’t go into it thinking instant gratification. Instead, approach it as though training for a sport.

5 types of men women hate

There might be ample qualities that make men irresistible. But women being the fairer sex have created certain stereotypes in men that they would never want to be seen with. 
We list the most common kinds of men that women love to hate... 
Thumbs down to dominant men : Gone are the days when a male dominated society used to be the way of life. So, if the next time you try to show your superiority in front of your girl, it might land you in a tight spot. Women prefer mates who're recognized by their peers for their skills, abilities, and achievements – and not those who use coercive tactics to subordinate their rivals, reveals a new study. 
Expert says : Dr. Chirta Bakshi, a relationship counsellor says, “Dominant behaviour is highly opposed by a female partner as she wants to enjoy the bond with equal respect. In any relationship, if one partner tries to have the upper hand in taking all decisions and if they portray their dominant self, it will not do any good to that relationship.” 
Macho guys aren’t always lucky : A macho guy with an angry young man personality might look good on silver screen, but when it comes to real life, women aren’t game to hang around with macho dudes. A recent study claims that macho guys don't always get the girls. The study further revealed that the most aggressive guys ended up with fewer wives and children. 
Expert says : Personality development expert Varun Chhabra says, “Women today are more keen to pick a guy who flaunts a good body combined with a metro sexual image rather than the typical rough and tough hunk. Men who look tough from the outside and bear a soft heart within are women’s favourite.” 
Keep sex starved men at bay : Men are usually sexually more charged up. But when it comes to choosing a mate, women don't opt for a sexually ravenous partner. This is maybe because for such men, sex is the top priority in the relationship whereas the woman continuously seeks love and romance, sans physical intimacy. 
Expert says : Relationship and sex counsellor Dr. Geetu Bhardwaj shares, “It’s not that women are not keen to have sex with their partner, but a man’s sexual inclination does plan an important role when it comes to choosing their partner. Women generally aren’t too comfortable with the idea of being with a man who has sex on his mind throughout the day. In such relationships, things like understanding and love are secondary and sexual intimacy is all that matters for the male partner.” 
Chauvinism is out completely : Remember Bobby Deol’s chauvinistic character in Dostana, which was enough to drive his lady nuts. An excess of anything is bad. Women don’t find a chauvinistic man a great companion to spend the rest of their lives with. 
Expert says : Dr. Ratan Kumar, a clinical psychologist asserts, “There is a very thin line of demarcation between being a gentleman and chauvinist. A girl might love your care and concern, but your over chauvinistic attitude may irritate her at times. Make an attempt to give enough space to her and let the comfort zone be there as per mutual convenience.” 
Using slangs won’t take you anywhere : Using abusive lingo every time you indulge in a conversation might lend you a cool dude look cool in front of your male peers, but girls don’t want to hang around with a abusive man. Being too abusive and stressing on using slangs too often is a ‘turn off’ for today’s women. 
Expert says : Psychiatrist Dr. Anupam Randhawa states, “Men need to realise that a woman would like to be associated with a respectful and well-behaved mate. So using excess of slang language and abusive words during conversations can backfire. The reason why women keep such partners at bay is because they find it offensive when their man gets abusive as it comes as a gesture of disrespect to the relationship.” 

How to de-stress your sex-life

Do you feel that stress is squeezing the fun out of your bedroom life? 
If yes, then you can bring back the action, courtesy tips provided by sex educator and relationship expert Dr. Yvonne Kristin Fulbright. According to the expert, many couples become frustrated, even panicky, when their sex lives go to the wayside during stressful times. When it comes to the factor that governs a person's sex life, it's personality, reports Fox News. 
Fulbright says that how an individual's sex life fares depends on whether he tries to get closer to his partner in tragic times or wants to be totally alone and if he's the withdrawing sorts, then it can create misunderstandings in the relationship. 
In order to avoid any such misunderstandings and still keep sex life full of fun and passion, Fulbright has suggested that couples need to establish a common ground and mutual understanding during stressful times. 
Also, they should make an effort to stay connected during life's highs and lows, because if they don't, it could lead to dire consequences. And in case, sex is not on mind and also the time to be spent in the sack is less, then a person can try the following: 
1. Showing appreciation for one another. Giving compliments, for example, is a simple way of expressing affection and letting your partner know that he or she is still being noticed and loved. 
2. Talking daily. Chat during dinner or at bedtime. Conversations foster bonding by providing support. It's also important for couples to check in with each other, showing concern and care for one another's well-being with simple statements like, "Tell me about your day." 
3. Staying positive . Bite your tongue if you're about to complain. Stressful situations are hard enough to deal with. Don't add to it if you can avoid doing so. 
4. Believing in your future together. Stressful times can make lovers doubt their ability to stay together for the long haul. Insecurity issues that arise can only make matters more difficult. Making plans is one way to indicate that you're feeling secure about your future. 
5. Helping each other with responsibilities . Approaching tasks with a team effort provides a greater sense of being in ‘this’ together. 
6. Balancing ‘alone time’ and ‘together time.’ Create a sensual atmosphere, for example, soothing scents, dim lights, delicious food, and relaxing music to help you unwind. 
7. Getting creative in how you'll be intimate . Redefine your definition of sexual intimacy when needed; try a simple body massage. 
Not to forget, lovers should make it a point to give in to one another's requests for intimacy whenever possible, as it might just prove to be a big stress-buster. In fact, sex has many physical and emotional benefits, which may help in boosting your desire for more sex and emotional intimacy. Sex can easily take your mind off of your worries. 
Also, patience is the key to get your sex life back on track. One should make sure that your relationship, in general, doesn't get neglected. 

Signs of a perfect sex partner

"Do I have a perfect sex partner?" If not, how can I get one? Indeed a million dollar question that hovers in the minds of most couples! 
Though it might be hard to find an absolute sexually compatible partner, but most couples don't even know the traits that they or their better half should posses to be a perfect sex partner. 
Having an outstanding sex partner takes a huge burden off an individual's mind. It allows them concentrate more on the act, instead of thinking too much about whether they're making love to the right person or not. When it comes to a perfect sex partner, attributes like height, weight, age, behaviour, choices etc take a backseat. What matters is that he/she suits you and shares an amazing chemistry in the bedroom. 
Dr. Kirti Mishra, a clinical physiologist and a relationship expert elucidates, "The idea of a perfect sex partner varies for different individuals, but some common traits like sexually active, experimental in bed, hygienically sound etc are a must, as they are the key for finding sexual bliss. Most couples today are working on their personal attributes to match their partner's prerequisites and thus become a perfect sex partner." 
Apart from good looks, a hot body and a heady sex drive, let's explore the less superficial elements of what makes a perfect sex partner. And if your partner bears these qualities in bed, you can unquestionably boast of having a great sex partner... 
1. Hygiene holds the key 
Everyone likes making love to a clean and tidy partner, so good hygiene holds great importance in a sexual relationship. Ensure that your partner is well manicured with a fully waxed body to ensure a higher comfort level. Too much hair on body makes it uncomfortable to enjoy each inch of your lover. So look out for a soft and clean skin in your partner complemented with a nice smell, as a bad body odour is a huge turn-off. 
Hot tip : "During sexual intimacy, everyone wants a hygienically fit partner, as this not only enhances the comfort level, but lets you enjoy the act more. So make sure you seem as fresh as if you have just stepped out of the shower before getting into bed. Sexual scents and aphrodisiacal fragrances are a good choice," recommends Dr. Devesh Roy, a sex therapist. 
2. Oral sex shouldn't be an issue 
You know what pleases you, so a wonderful partner to have in bed is one who doesn't hesitate going out of the way to give you that pleasure. If not routinely, your partner should be ready to please you orally as per their own mood and comfort level. While no one is perfectly adept at the oral act, but a partner who tries learning the little tricks to arouse you can surely add magic to your love life. 
Hot tip : "Don't wait for your partner to tell you or give hints each time they feel like experiencing oral pleasure, instead make it a part of the love making act. It is quite safe and enjoyable as the actual act, so don't be unwilling to go for it," states Dr. Deepak Gupta, a sex expert. 
3. Be an adventure lover 
Intimacy and passion gets killed if you have a boring partner, who is having sex for the sake of it. Ensure that he/she makes every effort to heighten the sensation by exploring their adventurous side. Having a partner who is open to trying new sexual pleasures is a definite bonus. Right from participating in dirty talks, taking chocolate baths with you, trying out new positions to indulging in naughty love games, he/she should be keen to try sex escapades that make them a perfect bedroom partner. 
Hot tip : "Like a weekend getaway gives you a much needed break, sex also can become monotonous after a sluggish period. To liven it up, you need to think out-of-the-box and try all kinds of sexual adventures that ensure a gratifying experience," shares Dr. Kirti. 
4. A sexy shape can do wonders 
Though weighty issues shouldn't come in way of your sexual pleasure, yet it's natural to look for a partner sans love handles or a bulging belly as an overweight partner can mar your sexual life. Being in top shape gives your body greater flexibility and accentuates your bedroom performance. If seeing your partner semi-naked makes you feel irresistible and you can't think of anything except sex, what else you can ask for! 
Hot tip : "Good body shape is always welcomed and what adds to your sex appeal is an appropriate dressing sense with which you can underline your positive features and gear up for a hot bedroom romp. To be a perfect partner in bed, try shedding the accumulated fat on your belly or butt area to boost your performance," suggests Dr. Roy. 
5. Propose newer things 
It's excellent to take charge in bed sans any inhibitions. But what makes sex even more special is to bring new-fangled sex ideas and implement them. A vivid imagination and voracious desires can contribute to healthy sexuality. With an avid sex lover who is willing to try arousing positions in bed, use sex toys, suggest new ways to climax, explore alternate seduction techniques and foreplay acts, the sex romp can be one of its kind. 
Hot tip : "Being innovative is good, but it is of no use if you confine this sexual knowledge just to yourself. Hence, be more forthcoming in your approach and propose new ways to improve your bedroom pleasure and perform actively," advices Dr. Kirti. 
6. Fantasy sharing does magic 
Communication holds the key to sexual pleasure, so a partner who is keen to discuss their wildest dreams and desires in bed can make sex a heavenly act. No partner can be tagged as sexually perfect until they are open about discussing their innate sexual preferences, as these tell the partner how they can perform. Look out for a partner who is not only open about their fantasies, but also invites you to share yours with a reassurance to fulfill them with ease. 
Hot tip : "If you cannot be outspoken about your sexual fantasies, you may resort to measures like penning them down or recording them on a tape. But ensure that it reaches your partner at the right time before you slip between the sheets," says Dr. Gupta. 

31 October 2009

Top 11 sex myths busted

Whether we appreciate them or not, we still like to know about sex myths and facts and if they are true or false.
There are as many sex myths and facts as there are couples! You may have heard someone say ‘oh they broke up as their sex life was poor’, or someone else’s package size is smaller so their married life didn’t succeed. Here are some facts which we sometimes like to ignore.
1. You can't get pregnant during your period - false!
There's a chance that you can get pregnant during a period, particularly towards the end of your menstrual cycle. Unprotected sex also increases the risk infection by sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
2. You can't get pregnant during unprotected sex if the man pulls out before he ejaculates - false!
Even though your boyfriend doesn't ejaculate, sperm can still be present in his pre-cum (the clear, sticky drops that are released when he's aroused). It only takes one sperm to get you pregnant, and the fluid can also contain sexually transmitted infections. Some men aren't aware that they are ejaculating until it's too late, and it's easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment.
3. You can't get pregnant while having sex standing up, or in the shower or bath - false!
If you have unprotected sex you can get pregnant, no matter how or where you do it.
4. You can't get pregnant while on the pill - false!
The chances of getting pregnant while taking the contraceptive pill are virtually nil, provided you are following the instructions correctly and consistently. But if you miss pills, are on antibiotics, or have sickness and diarrhoea, you need to use condoms for the next seven days.
5. It's safe to have sex as soon as you're on the pill - false!
Different types of contraceptive pills take different times to kick in. This can range from 0-14 days. Always follow the instructions prescribed with your type of pill, and use an additional form of contraception such as condoms during the time it takes for your choice of pill become effective.
6. Peeing after sex washes out sperm and prevents pregnancy - false!
For a start, urine exits the bladder through the urethra, which lies above of the vaginal opening. Which means any sperm in the vagina won't even get wet when you pee.
7. Men want sex more than women do - false.
Women want sex too - but they are guided by other emotions as well. For instance, house work, kids and holding onto a job are good enough reasons to go off sex completely. So we're exhausted! Plus, hormones make us feel like having a lot of sex during certain times of the month, rather than all of the time. And, because we tend to attach more emotions to sex than men do, we aren't going to beg him for action if he's been giving us attitude.
8. Happy couples have good sex most of the time - false.
Show me a couple that's having out-of-control, raging sex every night after years of sharing the same bed, and I'll show you a pig that can fly. Life and all its pressures get in the way for all of us. Does it mean your friend is lying if she claims to have fabulous sex after five years of marriage and two kids? Maybe. Or maybe she thinks you have a great sex life and doesn't want to admit she doesn't. Or maybe her definition of great sex is different than yours. Or maybe she really does have terrific sex... once a month. It's all subjective.
9. Men are more promiscuous than women - true.
The real truth is, this one is probably true, but by much less than you think. When polled about their sex lives, men overestimate while women underestimate, due to societal pressures. It's also totally dependent on how attractive the people in question are. An attractive, sexually liberated woman is likely to have had more partners than a not-so-fab-looking guy around the same age, for instance. It's called opportunity.
10. Women don't like porn or dirty sex - false.
Women love porn. It gives them new ideas and tricks to try out to make their partners happy. Plus, a lot of them are exchanged on emails or discussed between giggles next to water coolers in the office. Anyone who thinks men are the only ones mentally undressing that sexy passenger on the metro is deluded.
11. Men always want sex - false .
You need to give more credit to your partner than that! But if he is below 18 and has landed his first girlfriend, then perhaps it is true. However, as men get older responsibilities, daily pressures, work, bills etc. come in the way and he cannot think of sex all the time. But one look, and he is ready to jump into bed - that’s also true!

Does sexual pleasure depend upon organ-size?

Question: I am a 19-year-old boy studying in a professional college. Despite being good in studies, I suffer from an inferiority
complex about the size of my penis. My friends have often told me that the size of the penis is directly proportional to the amount of sexual pleasure given or obtained. They boast about their size and how it is a reflection of their masculinity. Is this correct? Can something be done to increase the size of one's genitalia?

Answer: The older we grow, the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without bursting one's clothes. One never knew an ignorant person yet but was prejudiced, said good ol' Twain. Men who feel that the size of their organ is inadequate, rejoice!! Here is news to take away your blues. Now you need not be afraid of going to a public urinal wary of prying glances. Now, you need not fantasise about the size of any Schwarznegger or Superman.
The smaller organ has a much greater erectile capacity than the larger one. The size of the flaccid or erect penis has absolutely nothing to do with its pleasure-giving qualities. The vagina has a great deal of elasticity and it can adapt to any size of the male organ, be it large or small. And finally, if you think a man is a man cause he guzzles beer or was born with a larger-than-thine appendage, think again. Can't you see, Sir, the sands of time are dribbling through the hourglass?!

Top 10 excuses to avoid sex

We all have heard one too many and by now have our own list of excuses when we are just not in the mood for a romp.
Recently a survey revealed that ‘I’m too tired’ is giving the humble ‘headache’ a run for its money. Here are the top ten excuses that people use to avoid a steamy session...
1. Too tired
2. I'm not in the mood
3. I've got a headache
4. I've got to get up in the morning
5. I'm pre-occupied with work
6. I'm angry with you
7. I can hear one of the children
8. You need a shower
9. I've got a bad back
10. Too soon in our relationship.
However, across foreign shores, primarily in Britain, one in five couples are making an excuse to get between the sheets for some heavyduty action!
A spokesman for www.OnePoll.com , which carried out the study, said: ''The headache has had its day as far as excuses are concerned. Tiredness plays a much bigger part in our reasons not to climb between the sheets these days and enjoy some quality time together. And it’s hardly surprising when we are all working longer hours than ever before and have so many things to worry about.
Fears over whether will be able to pay our mortgages or even whether we will have a job in a month's time are bound to affect our bedroom performance. It was intriguing to see just how the recession has affected our passion levels too.''
The report also found men are more likely to make excuses than women with 27 per cent admitting they often avoided sex compared to 18 per cent of women.

How to Have Sex Standing up

There are many different positions that can be achieved when one or both partners is standing during sex. These positions range from the bizarre to the more common. The trick is to finding the position that gives both you and your partner the maximum amount of pleasure.

      Step 1

      Enter your partner from behind while she is bent over in front of you. This is the simplest position and very similiar to "doggy-style." It allows for deep penetration and can be accomplished by even the most novice of individuals.
      Step 2

      Stand face to face while the man bends his knees slightly to be in the right position to enter the woman. The man then straightens his legs and inserts his penis into her vagina. This is the most common position for having sex while standing.
      Step 3

      Wrap your legs around the man's hips while leaning against a wall. This position allows for more contact of the man's body against the woman's clitoris, giving her greater pleasure. It also allows for support for the man to make better, more defined thrusts.
      Step 4

      Lay the woman on a flat surface that places her about an inch below the mans penis. The man stands in front of the woman and lifts her hips until her vagina is lined up with his penis. The woman places her legs either on the man's shoulders or on his waist to help support her weight. The man then inserts his penis. This is known as the butterfly position. The man can't penetrate very deeply but the angle of the penetration makes it perfect for G-spot stimulation. This position is the most difficult of those listed.

How to Boost Health With Tantric Sex

Tantric sex, derived from the Eastern religions such as Buddhism and Hinduism, teaches that sex isn't dependent entirely on achieving orgasm but instead is a never-ending series of spiritual and sexual manifestations. For example, dressing sexy isn't reserved for Saturday night; it's an ongoing feature of a relationship, even when you're grocery shopping. Tantric sex can give you better health--just look at the following facts.
Increase the number of orgasms to boost brain waves. The multiple orgasms women achieve through tantric sex can alleviate or reduce headaches (including migraines), lessen menstrual cramps and urinary tract infections and get rid of stress and depression.
Eliminate the need for erectile dysfunction drugs. By practicing tantric sex, men can increase their sexual choices and learn a variety of positions and ways to stimulate themselves and their partners and achieve orgasm. They no longer need to consider prescription drugs as the only way to improve a low libido.
Use "chakras," or the body's energy centers, to increase physical health. Tantric sex "unblocks" energy in the body by allowing couples to use their entire bodies, not just sexual organs, as conduits for sexual and spiritual pleasure. By not focusing on orgasms and merely letting energy flow, partners feel more pleasure and end up having more orgasms.
Realize that orgasms can occur throughout the body. Although the sensations will be pleasurable, they might not be exactly the same as normal orgasms centered in the sexual organs. Nevertheless, tantric orgasms relieve stress, increase blood flow and give the practitioner an overall feeling of health.
Know that tantric sex aids secretion in the pituitary gland. These secretions guide the endocrine system, which oversees the thyroid and sex organs and regulates immune system function. By aiding the endocrine system, tantric sex normalizes blood pressure and water (lymphatic) flow in the body.

29 October 2009

Tantric Sex for Beginners: 4 Easy Tips!

Abhijith Mohapatra

My friend Sean recently wowed me by casually mentioning that he had just attended a three-day tantric sex workshop where the end goal was, well, for no end goal. “The point,” he said, “is to channel all the sexual energy that would normally leave during an orgasm, back into your body. It gives you so much energy!”
Sure enough, achieving the big “O” is not Tantra’s main objective. Instead, you attempt to prolong the act, increasing potent sexual energy and intimacy with your partner. If you focus soley on the grand finale, you’ll miss the amazing range of feeling the rest of the show offers. “Sexual energy is one of our most powerful energies for creating health,” says Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom. “Through the intimate connection with another, our stress hormones lower and our serotonin shoots through the roof.”
Hmmm, I’ve certainly heard of Tantra but besides the Bible-length Kama Sutra, wacky-sounding positions like “lotus” and “jumping spider” and tales of Sting engaging in 36-hour lovemaking sessions, I didn’t know much, let alone that the intimacy is great for our health. “Even without an exhaustive education,” says Wendy Strgar, Care2 columnist and CEO of Good, Clean Love, “the principles behind tantric practice can go a long way in deepening the connection you share with your partner.”
Here are four beginner’s techniques you can try out.

Design an “intimacy space”

This should be a comfortable area that is playful and relaxed. First, clear the room of any attention-grabbing clutter. Next, decorate with flowers, candles and cozy fabrics. Scent is really important to our sensuality, so try natural oils like jasmine, ylang-ylang, or rose. Make sure your bed is as comfortable as possible with soft sheets and a number of pillows. Lastly, chose a soundtrack of music that you both like. Play it softly in the background to enhance your mood.

Breathe Each Other’s Breath

Harmonizing your breath is one of the easiest ways to sync with your partner. Straddle your partner’s lap (called the yab-yom position) and inhale while they exhale and vice versa. As your partner breathes out, you’ll find yourself taking their breath into and down through your entire body. As you exhale, consciously attempt to energize the breath. In this way, you’re sharing all of yourself with your partner. “Becoming conscious about your breath is central to all yogic practices and is foundational in Tantra,” says Strgar.

Keep Your Eyes Open

“The idea of making love with your eyes open is one of the fundamentals of deep connection in intimacy,” says Strgar. “It is surprisingly harder to do than you might expect. Move toward this idea as an intention rather than a rule and be amazed as the collection of glimpses that will reshape how you think about your partner and yourself. It is not easy to be seen, even by the people we love. Truly witnessing the act of love is profoundly transformative.”

Take it Slow

Sorry guys, foreplay is essential in Tantra. A lesiurely, slow build helps men control longevity and piques women’s arousal. The longer you linger in this process of building energy, the longer your session will last and the more energy you will build. Use this time to fully focus on each other. As in meditation, when your thoughts wander, gently guide your attention back to your partner and the magic of the moment at hand.

How to Seduce Your Husband Through a Role Play

You love your husband to pieces but that old familiar routine has kicked in and zapped you of the passion you once shared so effortlessly. You can rekindle it in usual and unusual ways if you feel adventurous. If you have lost that loving feeling and been entertaining the idea of an affair with a hot young lover, stop right there. You can short-circuit your desire to cheat by re-planting all of that passion right back into the one that you love.
Role-play an affair with your husband. You can even give each other fake names and he can become your illicit lover while you become his "mistress" for a while.
Engage in all the things that you would if you were having a secret affair. Have secretive phone calls, call him unexpectedly at work, arrange to meet him in an out of the way bar, rent a hotel room for the night.
Create a forbidden atmosphere by really role-playing and saying things like "My husband would kill me if he finds out" and things that make it appear more real. The forbidden aspect alone will be a huge turn-on.
Focus on your husband with a new and fresh pair of eyes, seeing his smile, his humor and his good-looks as if for the first time. Slow down and enjoy the ride.

Sex on her mind

Champagne, candlelight, a man at the door who craves commitment. Does it sound like every woman’s ultimate
For ages the world has been trying hard to figure out what’s going on in a woman's head? What does a woman want: the quintessential question? The answer: champagne, candlelight, a man at the door...most of the times. The stuff most women fantasize about.
It’s not hard to understand actually...women do fantasize. A woman's fantasies are certainly not limited. All have their own peccadilloes. If your body hasn't been called "perky" since Gymboree, in fantasy you can give yourself permission to swing naked from a crystal chandelier. Here's another favourite: a rustic cabin in the woods, pink Champagne and Benicio Del Toro. The reality: a cramped studio in the city, Diet Snapple and a guy who hogs the remote. Don't get me wrong; I've got nothing against the keeper of my remote. It’s just my fantasy and reality never find common ground. But we still continue to fantasize. And yes, if it involves sex, it’s all the better.
Nothing beats a good sex fantasy. Even researchers agree. Linda Wolfe a famous author studied a sample of 15,000 women aged 18-34 years, and less than three percent said they never fantasize. It was seen that females are more likely to prefer erotica with a "softer," more imaginative side than the "harder," more explicit forms preferred by males.
Dr. Nimish Seth, psychologist says: “There’s no such thing as an inappropriate fantasy. A lesbian fantasy is not proof that you're gay; a dominatrix fantasy doesn't mean you ought to run right out and invest in a pair of leather pants. Whether you choose to explore your fantasies—however mild or wild they may be—is up to you. But by all means don't hesitate to let your imagination jump-start your body into a sexier sex life. Sometimes a girl needs a jolt of adventure—if only in her daydreams”.
Almost all sexual fantasies fall into one of the three general
Sex with previous, imaginary, or celebrity partners
Sexual fantasies about submission and/or dominance
Unconventional sexual practices or settings
Nihal Seth, a young entrepreneur points out that “now sex fantasy is the safest, healthiest way to have more fun in bed.” The occasional fantasy is to sexual pleasure what green chutney is to chicken tikka: that little something extra that elevates the delicious to the sublime!
The world is not perfect. We all know that. It’s not always possible for us to get what we want. This is where fantasies help. Pooja Bedi, Bollywood actress, says that “every woman wants her man to be James Bond who holds the image of tall dark handsome and also has a kid within him. Women still fantasize with fairy tales”.
Aarti (name changed), 24, a marketing manager admits, "I fantasize my husband tying me to the bed and spanking me, abusing me and playing hard on me. It makes me feel like a wild cat waiting to be controlled."
Think of your sexual fantasies as a reflection of who you are. Fantasies may supplant reality for some. Pragya goes as far as to describe, "I often imagine myself stuck with a stranger in a dingy room during a calamity. Finally we end up making wild love amidst all the rush and hurry. It excites me to the core."
Devyani Pandit, a PR professional, says: “Doing it in bed gets boring after some time and we can explore new avenues. Our upbringing also at times acts as mental blocks as we struggle with feeling okay about our desires”. The good news is that everyone can have sexual fantasies; it’s just that some of us need a little more inspiration than others.
So the next time your woman seems to be wandering off in thought, you’ll know exactly what’s on her mind!

Seduce your girl with humour

When it comes to seducing a woman, nothing, as it turns out, works better than a man with a self-depreciating sense of humour.
What's more is that this finding is based on a two-year scientific research which found that men who can poke fun at themselves are most the ones that are sexual magnets for women.
As a part of the study lead author Gil Greengross, of the University of New Mexico in the US and her colleagues asked female students to listen to tape recordings of men talking about themselves.
The women were then asked to score the men on sexual attractiveness.
Greengross revealed that when it comes to the type of humour that works best at getting a woman into bed, the self-deprecating kind comes in at the top of the pack.
"Many studies show that a sense of humour is sexually attractive to women but we've found that self-deprecating humour is the most attractive of all," the Telegraph quoted Greengross, as saying.
"People who used this humour were considered to be far more desirable as mates."
He added a note of caution however, saying that it can also draw attention to a man's real faults, thus turning women off.
"It is a risky form of humour because it can draw attention to one's real faults, thereby diminishing the self-deprecator's status in the eyes of others," he said.
"Think about the secondary school child whom nobody liked, who makes fun of his shortcomings.
"His peers mocked him and he was considered more pathetic than he was previously. This is high-risk seduction. It is not for everyone."
The study, 'Dissing Oneself: The Sexual Attractiveness of Self-Deprecating Humour,' will be published in Journal of Evolutionary Psychology.

Men's sex o'clock revealed!

Feeling romantic? Well, then gear up for some kinky action – but wait till 10.16pm tonight, for that’s the time when half of UK’s population gets turned on with their lovers. 

After asking 5,000 adults, cynical researchers have claimed that the romantic schedule means men can catch up with their football highlights on Match Of The Day at 10.30pm. 

The second most popular time for sex is 9pm on Friday, followed by 9.30am on Sunday, a report said. 

A spokesman for pollsters www.OnePoll.com said: “One might conclude from this survey that romance is dead. 

“It certainly seems that sex has become a matter of convenience for many people. 

“When couples get past the honeymoon stage in their relationship they seem to settle down a bit, and sex isn’t as important any more.” 

The survey shows a quarter of couples go longer than two months between romps.

28 October 2009

Woman's emotional guide for sex

It’s rightly said that you perform well in bed when you have the desire to score brownie points. 
Everyone likes to enjoy lovemaking with a fully charged up mind and at the same time they want an equally aroused partner in bed to ensure gratifying sex. It's the emotion, mood and the present state of mind that adds to the sexual ecstasy. 
A recent study revealed that women with a high emotional intelligence have better sex lives and they experienced more orgasms than those with low EI who suffered orgasmic disorder. “The findings show that emotional intelligence is an added advantage in many aspects of your life, including the bedroom. This study enormously helps in the development of behavioural and cognitive therapies to improve women's sexual lives," said Professor Tim Spector, director of the Twin Research Department at King's College London. 
Relationship counselor Gitanjali Sharma explains, “Emotional intelligence is basically the ability to understand your emotions and those of people around you. It’s about reading emotions, balancing and regulating them. If you are emotionally satisfied, you are in a happier mood which applies to your bedroom too. It’s important to realise that sex starts in one's mind before it reaches the body. Before having sex physically, you actually get physical mentally and that is possible only with an emotionally sound mind.” 
Dr. Kamal Khurana, a marriage and relationship counselor agrees, “Women give sex to get love, so they want a lot of reassurance and companionship from their male partner. They have a sex drive, but eventually it’s more about emotional warmth, which turns into an expression of love and sex. When women receive more of emotional support in dealing with their mood swings, they are happier and consequently perform well in bed.” 
Elucidating the fact that women can spice up their sex lives with a dash of emotions, we get experts to share some emotions that can do wonders in your sexual paradise when dealt with in a desired way... 
Angry : Anger has to do with fear and it is a very healthy emotion. Anger problems can make hungry-for-sex women become so adamant on controlling their anger that they stop feeling sexy. It's often an alarm clock for their male partner where men are expected to understand that there's something making the woman angry. Anger leads to rejection of the male in an intimate act. The emotion of anger clearly shows that there is a problem deep down due to which the female partner may not be responding in the desired manner. 
Spice up the emotion : Dr. Kamal Khurana, a marriage therapist suggests, “Of course you should not talk at that particular time, but men should try and find out the right time to reach out to their lady love. Try talking about what is bothering your lady in a nice manner, which is not hurtful or provoking. As soon as you trace the reason behind her anger, try bringing in a dash of surprise humour to lighten up her mood. Express your love through a meaningful gesture by saying ‘I love you’ via a card, keeping romantic notes below her pillow, cracking a sexual joke or sending her favourite flowers.” 
Overjoyed : When a woman is going through this emotion, she would evidently want to go on talking about her elated state of mind. Having such a good mood, she would undoubtedly perform well in bed, but her mind is likely to be diverted. 
Spice up the emotion : Gitanjali Sharma, a relationship counselor states, “It’s entirely up to the male partner as to how he handles his woman in bed on that particular night. It’s important for him to listen to her and support her and be a part of her celebration. Understand that she is at her joyful peak, so it will be wrong to expect her to be on the peak of sex too. Be patient and make the most of this emotion by going with the flow. Connect with her and laugh out loud on whatever she says and then as the passion builds on, you can proceed for an intimate session.” 
Anxious : Anxious people do not often experience a satisfying orgasm. Anxiety exists when a woman is afraid of something that might happen in the future or something which she has experienced during a particular day. When she goes to bed with these anxieties running through her mind, she is not mentally prepared to enjoy sex. If this emotion is not dealt with properly, possibilities are there that sex would be avoided often and there will be more of excuses in your relationship. 
Spice up the emotion : “Ensuring that your woman doesn’t get carried away with this emotion, the male partner has to be supportive here. When in such a mood, sex should not be treated as a tick-marked routine thing which has to be done mundanely. The act should be aimed at comforting each other and the secondary stage should involve body contact. Lot of discussions would help bringing you partner closer to you and as you touch upon the different domains of her life, sex will naturally flow,” suggests Dr. Khurana. 
Isolated : This emotion can bring drastic results in a woman’s sex life. Due to a feeling of isolation, she may suffer from depression and have a low confidence level. With feelings of being disowned, she would not want to attach herself with anyone, thus bearing a clear unwillingness towards sex. On the other hand, seeking physical and emotional support, she may become too vulnerable thereby indulging in sex just to come out of this isolation. 
Spice up the emotion : “In such circumstances, men must communicate with their female partners to try and help her regain high emotional intelligence. Loving gestures from your end will reassure her and make her come close to you. Once you have given her the recognition and made her feel important in some way, she would be all into you and will be charged up for a sexual session too,” says Gitanjali. 
Silence : There must be certain inhibitions that induce a woman to remain silent for a prolonged time span. When a woman is unable to express her mind freely, or she is undergoing emotional pain, her self-esteem is low. During lovemaking moments when your lady love is in such a mood, she will behave as if sex is a forced pressure on her. 
Spice up the emotion : “The basic idea while dealing with this emotion is to make her open up and speak out her mind. Chances are high that she might have certain sexual preferences, which she is finding tough to communicate. So make her feel at ease, indulge in a healthy conversation over a coffee, empower her to be expressive and say whatever she wants to without any apprehensions. Once her thoughts are conveyed in a proper manner, she will look forward to lovemaking, sans any uneasiness,” feels Dr. Khurana. 
Negative attitude : A pessimistic emotion makes a woman see everything wrong around her. Indulging in negative self-talk, there is nothing that seems to bring joy to her. Even if her male partner approaches her for sex, she is likely not to respond in a desired way. 
Spice up the emotion : “The male partner needs to instill a positive feeling to help the woman come out of her negativity. It’s advisable to highlight positive things and good attributes about her and pamper her so as to create a feel good feeling. It’s only after creating this good mood around a lady that her libido can be nurtured too,” shares Gitanjali. 

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