Hot 'take-charge' tips for her

Gone are the days when only men did the chasing and women pretended to be coy. Here are some sexy take-charge tips for the woman who knows what she wants and isn’t shy about it.

In these express times, things need to move at express speed. If you are really keen on that guy living in the building opposite yours and can’t wait to be overwhelmed by waves of passion, try these naughty take-charge tips to shake up your sex life. Why do you want him to make the first move – we believe in equality right?

Load his iPod or MP3 Player
Download racy tracks onto your partner's iPod. Next time he's looking at his playlist, he'll notice a new addition - and titled 'Hot tunes from me', he won't hesitate to hit the 'play' button really fast.

Here are some suggestions:

I Got a Geeling by Black Eyed Peas
There She Goes by The La’s
Two Princes by Spin Doctors
Ego by Beyoncè
U R a Fever by The Kills
Wicked Game by Chris Isaak
Oops (Oh My) by Tweet
The Fixer by Pearl Jam
Timeless Melody by The La’s
Sexy MF by Prince and The New Power Generation
I Touch Myself by The Divinyls
Erotica by Madonna
Je T'aime...Moi Non Plus by Serge Gainsbourg
Turn Me On by Norah Jones
Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake

Be vocal
On the phone, be as imaginative as you would want to. It needn’t be all talk and no action. If you're brave enough, you can indulge in a seriously naughty adventure for two.

The rules

• Make the call when you won't be interrupted and check that he's not going to be busy, either.
• Make sure your surroundings are as pleasant and comfortable as possible. Warmth, candlelight and perfume sprayed in the air will help create the right atmosphere.
• Sit or lie somewhere completely private and comfortable.

The action

• Start slowly and seductively telling him exactly what you're not wearing.
• Keep your voice breathy and sexy.
• Be truthful. Tell it like you're really feeling it.
• If you're missing your partner, let him know. If there are things that you wish he was doing to you, make sure you voice them as graphically as possible.
• If there are things he'd like to have done to him, tell him exactly how you'd do them.

Evocative text
Send steamy SMS suggestions - he'll be so hot for you before he's had a chance to hit 'reply'...

• U know those sexy, black lace knickers of mine? Not wearing them
• I've been watching a dirty movie and I'm feeling inspired...
• Satin sheets or cotton? Can't decide which feels better
• Bought a new scarf 2day. Need U to tell me how it looks... around my eyes

Fail proof text

• Check for typos before hitting 'send'.
• Pace it. Too long between texts and you lose momentum. Too fast and you lose anticipation. Just like sex itself, really...


Source:timesofindia.indiatimes.com

Are you addicted to sex?

Upon hearing the words ‘sex addiction’, people often connect it with a person, usually a man, who has an incessant need to make sexual conquests, but a true definition for the term is yet to be ascertained. 

The topic is extremely controversial, and even experts are not able to agree whether sexual addiction is a true addiction, with two researchers publishing in 1998 an article entitled ''Sexual addiction: many conceptions, minimal data''. 

Dr. Erick Janssen, the Director of Education & Research Training at The Kinsey Institute, explained in an email that there is no accepted definition for the term. 

"We do not have a generally accepted definition of 'sex addiction.' It was originally approached as involving some kind of ''inability to adequately control sexual behaviour,'' but this is, as you can tell, not a very objective definition," CBS News quoted him as writing. 

"According to some, sexual addiction seems in the eye of the beholder, or in the eyes of his or her therapist," he stated. 

Mavis Humes Baird, an addictions treatment specialist, is convinced that sexual addiction is a true disorder because people are in the throws of an impulse they can''t control, and that there are underlying changes in the brain that cannot be addressed by psychotherapy alone. 

"For example, if one of the partners in a couple is having affairs and they're not a sex addict, marriage counselling or family therapy is very effective. But if they're a sex addict, all the therapy in the world getting at problems in the relationship won't touch the addiction," she said. 

"One of the primary referral sources for sex addiction is couples counsellors who have been doing attachment work with couples for years with the addiction going on unaffected and sometimes kept secret for all those years. 

"You can''t treat the sex problems between the partners until the addiction is treated. And that''s done by a combination of specific treatment protocols, and 12-step program involvement, and sometimes medication," she said. 

But Baird also said that it is not listed in the current version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), and that there's a struggle about whether it will be included in the next edition.

Dr. Herbert Kleber, a professor of Psychiatry at Columbia University Medical Center, where he is the Director of the Division on Substance Abuse, has provided another view. 

"Is it an addiction? I'm convinced gambling is an addiction but am agnostic about sexual addiction. Once you let one of them in the door do you let in shopaholics, kleptomaniacs, etcetera? Where do you draw the line?" he said. 

Dr. Janssen agrees with Dr. Kleber's scepticism-on there not being prevalent statistics on sexual addiction. 

"There are no reliable prevalence statistics on sexual addiction. That is, it has not been measured in representative samples of men and women. A few studies in non-representative samples have concluded that it could involve 5-10 percent of the adult population," he said. 

"Most sex researchers prefer to not use that term, instead relying on terms like 'sexual compulsivity' or 'sexual impulsivity' to reflect people's experiences and actual behaviours," he added.

Women like to target men who are in relationships

A scientific study has found evidence that women like to target men who are already in relationships.

Researchers at Oklahoma State University in the US use the term 'mate poaching' to describe this phenomenon.

During the study, they showed a picture of a moderately attractive man or woman to participants.

Half of the participants were told that the prospective mate was single, while the rest were told that they were not.

Researchers Dr Melissa Burkley and Jessica Parker observed that 90 per cent of the women participants were interested in a man when told that he was in a relationship, compared to 59 per cent when told the same man was single.

"This finding indicates that single women are considerably more interested in pursuing a man who is less available to them," the Telegraph quoted them as concluding.

"This may be because a man who is attached has already shown his ability to commit and, in a sense, has been pre-screened by another woman," they added.

The researchers also noted that men, on the other hand, expressed no preference about whether a woman was in a relationship or not.

"The results showed that only single women were more interested in pursuing an attached target rather than a single target," they said. 

A research article describing the study has been published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.

Secrets of great sex at all ages

Loved crazy positions in your twenties, tried dress-up in your thirties and joined the mile-high club in your forties?

Then you are not alone. On our sexual journeys, the majority of us will try out different turn-ons in the quest for a perfect sex life through the ages.
And, according to sexpert Tracey Cox, our beside manner trends are pretty standard all over the country.
Here, we look at her findings on sex at different stages of our lives, taken from the bestselling book, Sextasy. He can't stop thinking about sex
Eighty-five per cent of 20- to 30-year-old men think about sex every couple of hours.
She's had same-sex fantasies or been bi-curious. Imagining what it would be like to make love to another woman is nearly always one of the top three female fantasies.
Statistically only 4 per cent of women tick the 'had a lesbian experience' box in surveys but in my experience, it's way, way higher than that.
There's plenty of incentive: A 2006 study of nearly 2000 people discovered that 76 per cent of women who slept with women reached orgasm (for women with men, you are pushing it at 50 per cent).
Lesbians are also the least promiscuous group and consistently report the highest sexual satisfaction.
Almost everyone's tried 'The Wheelbarrow'
This is the age and stage where most of us experiment with positions - the more athletic and bonkers - the better!
About one in 10 people have had a threesome And most of you did it in your early twenties.
Threesomes and moresomes aren't quite as common as you think.
The majority of people who've had them try them once or twice, then go back to one-on-one sex.
The less you know the people involved, the more likely you are to see it as a positive experience. It's also likely that you'll visit a strip club or lapdancing club - with your friends but increasingly often with your partner - at some point in your 20s.
Almost all of you have had sex outside
A throwback from our teens - when we did most of our sexual experimentation behind the bike shed, in the bushes, or in the back of a car - most of us will have sex somewhere semi-public in our thirties.
Under the cover of darkness in a park, on a beach, or in your own garden are the top choices.
Sex in the shower and sex in a hot tub is also popular.
Some of you will try bondage, blindfolds and spanking
Around 20 per cent of thirty-year-olds spice up their sex life with this kind of thing in your thirties
Either you or your partner have had your hands tied together to a chair or four-poster bed on a dirty weekend away.
Lots will continue to enjoy tying each other up but only 5 to 10 per cent of the population will go on to more serious S&M.

Smart people are sexier

A person''s sex quotient lies in his or her brain, according to a study that suggests that being smart is sexy, and the smartest males get the most partners.

Through a study on Australian birds, a team of researchers have lent support to the idea that our big human brain evolved because it is a sexually attractive organ, not just a useful one.

According to the above theory, signs of intelligence - such as creating art, music, and humour - could have made the brainiest people luckiest in love.

The theory was hugely discussed in the book ''The Mating Mind'' by an evolutionary psychologist, Geoffrey Miller, almost a decade ago.

Jason Keagy, of the University of Maryland in the US, said that testing the theory in humans was very difficult, and thus he chose to observe satin bowerbirds at Wallaby Creek in NSW instead.

He claimed that Bowerbirds are intelligent.

''''But they''re not as complex as humans," Stuff.co.nz quoted him as saying.
Keagy could get an accurate record of the male birds'' sexual success by videotaping their every movement.
''''They can''t really lie to us," he said.

Known for their fascination with blue objects, bowerbirds have a strong aversion to red.

In the first IQ test, the researchers placed three red objects under a clear plastic container in their bower, and found that the smartest males could remove the cover and carry away the offending objects in 20 seconds.

''''It looks pretty simple, but some weren''t able to do it,'''' said Keagy.

In a second braintwister, he glued a red object down and observed that some bowerbirds kept on trying in vain to pull it out, while the brighter ones quickly twigged this was impossible and covered it with leaves.

The males who failed the plastic container test were spurned.
''''No females were mating with them,'''' said Keagy.

However, the smartest birds attracted up to 20 female partners a season.
''''This is the first evidence [in any species] that individuals with better problem-solving abilities are more sexually attractive,'''' he said.

He claimed that greater intelligence could allow male bowerbirds to woo more females because they can build more elaborate bowers, are better dancers or are more responsive to subtle cues from the females during courtship.

Alternative theories to the mating mind include that our large brain evolved because it was advantageous for hunting or living in social groups, and cultural creativity was simply a fortuitous by-product of the struggle to survive.

The study has been published in the journal Animal Behaviour.

Hottest sex variations

When your relationship isn't a humdrum affair, then why should your sex life be dull and lifeless? There's more to a rocking sex lifethan just simple, great sex.

A marvelous sexual connection includes different kinds of sex, even the ones you haven't dared to experiment with perhaps. Check out the different kinds of love making acts you and your lover can indulge in for a night of passion.

Experimental sex

Couples in long-term relationship often opt for this kind of act as they miss the excitement and lust filled initial-days of their relationship. With time, a couple's love life loses its zing and to get it back one needs to try new things. "Try pushing the regular comfort zones. It may mean trying a new position or a new room in the house; you can even go for thrilling experiences like making love on the terrace or in the balcony or at some public place." explains Meera Wahi, married for last nine years.

Why to try : There's nothing like the moment when you're struggling for breath thinking, "That was amazing, we've never done that before." Experts suggest that no matter how long you've been in a relationship, you need to have an earth-shattering sexual experience every once in a while. What's more try pushing the boundaries, as this will heighten the trust between you two, create an exceptional comfort level and minimise the possibilities of casual flings outside the relationship. So, go ahead and clue in to your partner's covert bedroom urges to transform the every-night mediocre sex to a mind-blowing encounter. You'll harvest the sensually gratifying perks too.

Necessary sex

Necessary sex can be explained as 'just-for-the-heck-of-it sex', which is vital for a long-term relationship to retain its sexual spark. These are your very special, intimate 'me-time' moments which relieve stress, burns calories and lift spirits. Supports Mihika, a 31-year-old, new mom, "As a new mom, I am tired most of the times. However, I make special effort to get going in the bed and this makes me feel closer to him. Even if the sex isn't that good, it feels like the relationship has become stronger."

Why to try : Necessary sex is all about decreasing sexual anxiety, accomplishing the Big O, and feeling good about your sexual prowess. Experts say that regular physical contact actually tunes the brain into the need to feel emotionally close. By making sex a regular habit, you can open new avenues of bonding as a couple. Moreover, doing it sometimes when you are not in the perfect mood can gear you up for something much hotter the next time around. And most importantly, don't forget how much a hit-the-roof orgasm does to keep your sex spark bright.

Bummer sex

Admit it, for it's something that's bound to happen. An awkward grunt, a stupid expression, somebody walking in unexpectedly or may be slipping down the bed, all of us can have these embarrassing moments that we would like to ideally forget. Akhil, a 27-year-old choreographer, recollects, "We'd been together since last one year. The last time we were having sex, her roommate just walked in. We didn't know what to say. Finally I said, 'Whoops!' and we laughed our heart out. The voyeurism added to the fire, needless to say."

Why to try : Don't fret about imperfect moments in your sex life; just rejoice and hold your lover tight. Your ability to deal with embarrassing situations reflects the strength of your relationship, say experts. Real understanding is about being able to feel at ease with each other in awkward circumstances as well. Emotional presence and trust is the biggest aphrodisiac of all and often provides the sexual thrill which can last a lifetime. React positively to embarrassing sexual mishaps and she will add funny, cute and smart to her mental list of reasons as to why she chooses to be intimate with you.

Vacation sex

A new, romantic locale often allows lovers to rediscover each another in a new light. Amidst trying different platters, adventure sports or checking out a variety of nightlife activities, every evening feels like a special date night. Vacation sexcapades act as a catalyst to reignite the passion in a relationship and make a couple feel more connected. "When on a vacation, you're at your most carefree best, which means you can try out new things you won't have to be accountable for at home. We went to Kerala on a friend's recommendation, and needless to say we had the best sex ever," shares Sidhartha, a 39-year-old business man.

Why to try : Something about leaving the laptop behind, turning the cell phone off and relaxing makes the sex better. Experts say that being in a totally alien environment sparks a sense of adventure and boldness in couples. All of this adds up to stimulating sex, which is more gratifying and more memorable than what couples have at home. Moreover, a vacation is the best place to get 'sexperimental'. When people encounter new experiences, dopamine spikes in the brain, eliciting a feeling of all encompassing lust. This is one of the reasons a vast majority of relationship counsellors recommend regular getaways as one of the things that can help strengthen your bond.

Make-up sex

There is nothing like engaging in a sexual reconciliation after a long, gut-wrenching argument. The quality of such sex is directly proportional to the amount of time spent apart; courtesy - the phenomenal release of emotions. "After all the screaming and blaming is over and we proceed towards reconciling, I fall in love with him all over again. This after-fight sex gives me the same kick as that 'beginning sex' when we first meet. All of that anger is released into passion and it's like we just want to tear down the place," admits Mehul, who's been married for seven years.

Why to try : Experts believe that make-up sex is a quick and effective way to get rid of the frustrations from a past argument. Also, it gives women the opportunity to be sexually aggressive, which might be a welcome change. This kind of sex is overloaded with passion because you have the rush of very intense emotions, from anger to joy. And when you're intimate like that, you're likely to have a strong orgasm, which releases Oxytocin, the bonding hormone which creates a physiological bonding mechanism between you and your beau.

Solace sex

emotional, more engaging and possibly more expressive than the usual act, because the desire to connect to life is enormous. You concentrate on cuddling and affection, rather than on climaxing. Diksha Ramani shares her experience, "My husband lost his mom and my brother was going though a cancer ordeal. In those times, we resorted to sex. It just distracted us from all our problems and reiterated the fact that we are there for each other. It was like a life-asserting act in the face of grief."

Why to try : Research points out towards the fact that those who can count on their partners to be there for them emotionally have sex more often and enjoy it all the more. Experts say that making each other feel loved and cared for is the most powerful way to bring the psychological and physical elements of your relationship together. Solace sex intensifies your bond with your lover and makes lovemaking a great source of eroticism and ecstasy. Such consoling acts may not necessarily be exciting, but it makes you feel very good and lifts up your dampened spirits. Moreover, when people feel safe with each other, they can also deal with their differences and problems effortlessly.

Supersensual Sex

With sensual sex, it's not only about where you and your partner are going, but the process that gets you there. Remember that women aren't the only ones who desire slow-burn sexual intimacy. So whenever you have the gift of time, indulge in expressive lovemaking, which can be a blissful surprise and act like a relationship booster. "Knowing that he cares enough to love me for hours makes me feel very good. At that time, I feel as if I am his one and only priority. And trust me, such emotional benefits do have long-lasting effects," says Ridhima.

Why to try : Experts believe that supersensual sex is an extension of selfless love, which fulfills, satisfies, and helps couples bonds. This is when emotional candidness and sensitivity, affectionate touches and erotic exploration all unite. The key requirement here is not crazy sexual techniques, but a safe emotional acquaintance. Moreover, your bond in general feels more cherished when you turn the bedroom into a place which is not just about sexual sensations. The safer we feel emotionally, the more we can communicate, express our needs, play and explore our responses, and relax into sexual feelings.

Do not bind your experiences to the standard fare, when there's a whole sensual world out there for you both to explore. After all, spicing up your sex routine can bring the much-required mystery and adventure to your love life, and keep it grooving.
(Some names have been changed to protect identity)
If you are feeling miserable, dejected, anguished or lonely, sex can be the perfect remedy. Soothing sex is more