Four secrets of amazing sex revealed

Want to have a rocking bedroom life with your partner? Well, a new book that can unlock your passion potential might just be of great help. 
‘The 4 Secrets of Amazing Sex’, by Georgia Foster and Beverley Anne Foster, talks about body as well as mind, when it comes to sex. 
“We focus on the mind as much as the body,” the Sun quoted Georgia as said. 
"It’s not a book about sexual positions. Anyone can have sex, but to have amazing sex, your mind needs to be participating,” Georgia added. 
The four secrets of amazing sex are: 
Seduction 
“The first secret deals with how to sustain a heady passion with your partner. Most people assume they need to be seduced to feel sexy – wrong! We first create the desire in our own mind. It’s your responsibility to understand what turns you on. It’s about taking notice of how you are feeling – not expecting a partner to immediately trigger sexual feeling.” 
Sensation 
“The second secret is all about the six senses. Absorb the energy between you and your partner, as well as remembering smell, touch, sound and taste. The six senses are often overlooked in our busy lives, but without them sex is dull.” 
Surrender 
“The third secret is when you feel safe to surrender to your partner and have sex. Thanks to secrets one and two, your mind is ready and your senses alive. You need to feel you want to be there and your mind is present to feel connected to your partner.” 
Reflection 
“If you’ve had fun with the first three secrets, reflection is about looking back on the experience and feeling you want to do it all again. If the experience is bad, people will look back on it negatively and may avoid a repeat performance and lack confidence.” 

Are you addicted to sex?

Upon hearing the words ‘sex addiction’, people often connect it with a person, usually a man, who has an incessant need to make sexual conquests, but a true definition for the term is yet to be ascertained. 

The topic is extremely controversial, and even experts are not able to agree whether sexual addiction is a true addiction, with two researchers publishing in 1998 an article entitled ''Sexual addiction: many conceptions, minimal data''. 

Dr. Erick Janssen, the Director of Education & Research Training at The Kinsey Institute, explained in an email that there is no accepted definition for the term. 

"We do not have a generally accepted definition of 'sex addiction.' It was originally approached as involving some kind of ''inability to adequately control sexual behaviour,'' but this is, as you can tell, not a very objective definition," CBS News quoted him as writing. 

"According to some, sexual addiction seems in the eye of the beholder, or in the eyes of his or her therapist," he stated. 

Mavis Humes Baird, an addictions treatment specialist, is convinced that sexual addiction is a true disorder because people are in the throws of an impulse they can''t control, and that there are underlying changes in the brain that cannot be addressed by psychotherapy alone. 

"For example, if one of the partners in a couple is having affairs and they're not a sex addict, marriage counselling or family therapy is very effective. But if they're a sex addict, all the therapy in the world getting at problems in the relationship won't touch the addiction," she said. 

"One of the primary referral sources for sex addiction is couples counsellors who have been doing attachment work with couples for years with the addiction going on unaffected and sometimes kept secret for all those years. 

"You can''t treat the sex problems between the partners until the addiction is treated. And that''s done by a combination of specific treatment protocols, and 12-step program involvement, and sometimes medication," she said. 

But Baird also said that it is not listed in the current version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), and that there's a struggle about whether it will be included in the next edition.

Dr. Herbert Kleber, a professor of Psychiatry at Columbia University Medical Center, where he is the Director of the Division on Substance Abuse, has provided another view. 

"Is it an addiction? I'm convinced gambling is an addiction but am agnostic about sexual addiction. Once you let one of them in the door do you let in shopaholics, kleptomaniacs, etcetera? Where do you draw the line?" he said. 

Dr. Janssen agrees with Dr. Kleber's scepticism-on there not being prevalent statistics on sexual addiction. 

"There are no reliable prevalence statistics on sexual addiction. That is, it has not been measured in representative samples of men and women. A few studies in non-representative samples have concluded that it could involve 5-10 percent of the adult population," he said. 

"Most sex researchers prefer to not use that term, instead relying on terms like 'sexual compulsivity' or 'sexual impulsivity' to reflect people's experiences and actual behaviours," he added.

Women like to target men who are in relationships

A scientific study has found evidence that women like to target men who are already in relationships.

Researchers at Oklahoma State University in the US use the term 'mate poaching' to describe this phenomenon.

During the study, they showed a picture of a moderately attractive man or woman to participants.

Half of the participants were told that the prospective mate was single, while the rest were told that they were not.

Researchers Dr Melissa Burkley and Jessica Parker observed that 90 per cent of the women participants were interested in a man when told that he was in a relationship, compared to 59 per cent when told the same man was single.

"This finding indicates that single women are considerably more interested in pursuing a man who is less available to them," the Telegraph quoted them as concluding.

"This may be because a man who is attached has already shown his ability to commit and, in a sense, has been pre-screened by another woman," they added.

The researchers also noted that men, on the other hand, expressed no preference about whether a woman was in a relationship or not.

"The results showed that only single women were more interested in pursuing an attached target rather than a single target," they said. 

A research article describing the study has been published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.

Women drink before sex to gain confidence

Millions of British women indulge in boozing before having sex - because they lack confidence in their bodies, a study of 3,000 females has revealed.
Researchers examining the link between sexual habits and alcohol consumption found that half preferred sex after a tipple.
Women said alcohol helped them lose their inhibitions and become more adventurous between the sheets, reports The Daily Express.
Kathryn Lakeland of Femfresh, which carried out the study, said: “These results are a clear indication that British women today are severely lacking in confidence.
“Whilst many women claim they only drink before sex because it is part of the dating process, a large percentage will actually refuse to get between the sheets without a bit of Dutch courage.

“But in doing so many women will be losing self control and this is when drunken one-night stands are more likely to occur.”

Intelligent women have the best sex lives

Want to hit the big O with your bloke more often? Then why not try meditation or saying hello to people more?
According to recent research, more intelligent women have the best sex lives, reports The Sun.
But forget complicated algebra or getting your head round Chaucer's Canterbury Tales - the key for steamier sessions lies in mastering emotional intelligence.
It refers to the way we manage our built-in personality and our general emotional state, as stated in The Sun.
The findings stem from a study of 2,000 female twins who were surveyed on their sex and personal life.
It showed that those with high levels of EI had more orgasms and a more enjoyable sex life.
But why does this happen and how can we make it work for us?, here explains The Sun.
Here we speak to psychologist Jo Maddocks and sexpert Susan Quilliam for a guide on channelling your emotions to improve your sex life.
"Everyone is born with a capacity for high levels of emotional intelligence, but this can change as we go through our general life, depending on what happens to us," explains Jo.
"We may lose touch with our emotions because they become too hard to address, stemming from our past experiences.
"We can then start to use coping methods preventing us thinking about them - such as getting angry, or staying quiet and bottling everything up - methods that can become addictive.
"These mechanisms are then often used to deal with anything in our lives - including sex."
"Building bad attitudes can also directly impact our relationships with other people too," Jo continues.
"A negative attitude, poor body language and extreme reactions can shape the way people treat us too (even sexual partners) - making us feel even more isolated and troubled.
"It is acknowledging the emotions and stopping them from ruling our behaviour that gives us emotional intelligence."
Small changes
"The key is to make small changes to our behaviour, rather than attempt to overhaul our whole personality," explains Jo.
"If you feel ignored or left out at work, for example, try saying hello to colleagues everyday as they walk in to gain a sense of belonging.
"If you find yourself getting extremely emotional, try acknowledging your feelings before they escalate into this.
"Making small behavioural changes can really help you regain control throughout your life."
Having control of our emotions not only means being calmer and happier, it also means feelings won't get in the way of our sex lives, says sexpert Susan Quilliam.
"There's a whole variety of ways that emotions can affect your sexuality," says Susan.
"Anxious people often can't let go enough to orgasm.
"While those with anger problems, while sometimes ravenous for sex, can become so adamant on controlling their anger they stop feeling sexy.
"If we have control, we tend to feel confident and proud of ourselves, meaning our sex lives benefit.
"And, as Jo explained, higher emotional intelligence means better relationships with others, which also applies in the bedroom too.
"If we are more willing to trust in bed, then again sex is going to be better.
"It's a virtuous circle."

How to endure a sex marathon

Not very often does one get the opportunity to spend extended lovemaking time with their lover, but when such rare occasion does arise one should make it a point to keep it enjoyable as well as enduring.

Enduring a sex marathon can take a few hours or longer if the situation demands it, and many times it could go all night.

Thus, to keep oneself in good form, even the most virile and energetic must rest and rejuvenate, reports Fox News.

Before embarking on your sex marathon, it is better to be well-fed (but not too well) with food that releases energy slowly (such as grains and low GI carbohydrates) and be well hydrated.

And here are some tips on enduring a sex marathon:

Don''t orgasm

You can do this by choosing positions that provide less stimulation - because everyone is different, only you will know what these are for you. Change positions if you feel like you''re losing the power of your drive and erection or getting too close to orgasm. Bear in mind that having an orgasm isn''t the end of the session and you can take a rest before you continue. This is a good time to experiment with positions that you may not have tried with your partner.

Pleasure her to keep the focus off of you

If you do happen to need a rest while enduring a sex marathon or you do orgasm, you can easily shift the focus off of you and onto her. This can include cuddling, fondling, massage, general touching, and kissing. A rest does not have to be totally sexual in nature, and it is just as nice to make love for hours as it is to just touch each other in nice ways - or invent new ways of loving.

Don''t drink too much

Alcohol is known to be a relaxant and can be a wonderful addition to the time you share with your lover. In saying that, after two or more drinks, alcohol lowers a man''s ability to achieve and maintain erections, and can trigger an inability to orgasm for a long time. Alcohol also has sedative effects - it could cause you to fall asleep easily. Drinking can also encourage unsafe behaviour. Drinking too much alcohol will not help enduring a sex marathon.

Get creative

While enduring a sex marathon, you can introduce sex toys like vibrators, beads or sex paraphernalia such as whips, ropes and blindfolds. Food is also a great diversion and pleasure- ice cream, chocolate sauce or whipped cream are great. Get creative - you can draw out the process for quite some time with some very lusty teasing using these objects.

Keep lube handy

One of the main problems of sex play for hours could be dryness, so keep some good quality lubricant handy, one that tastes nice and is non-greasy. A glass of water nearby is also going to be useful, not only to rehydrate but to moisten your mouth.

Most troubling after-sex mistakes

You are enjoying a steamy session of sex with your partner. And as your passion reaches its climax, an ultimate sexual joy is felt like you never felt before. The moment both of you get over with this encounter of passion, your partner head towards your study and starts reading or turns over and falls into a dead deep sleep. Imagine what a turn-off that would be indeed!

But its a common mistake that couples often commit right after enjoying an intimate session with their partner. They might have worked hard to satisfy their partner in bed, but just one little mistake can spoil all the fun!

The nature of the above after-sex mistakes makes you believe that you were just waiting for sex to get over to indulge in some other non-sexual activity. Or in some cases, they assume that you had something else running through your mind while having sex.

These are absolutely unintentional acts often terribly goofs-up and kill the sexual mood. Most couples fail to understand that switching off from the sexual state of mind leaves the other partner highly irritated.

Dr. Pushkar Gupta, a Chandigarh-based sex therapist opines, It is very likely that partners who right away indulge in something else after having sex, might have performed sex as a duty and not an act of enjoyment. While there are several ways to keep up the mood even after the actual sex is over, some partners look for ways to remain busy and thus they end up committing lesser known 'after-sex' mistakes.

Dr. Amita Mishra, sex and relationship expert states, After enjoying the sexual act, if a partner tries to get involved in something not related to sex, it surely makes the other partner feel disowned. While there should be an effort to linger on with the sexual feel even after the actual act is over, couples who deviate from this mood are certainly affecting their sexual relationship.

Here we list some common 'after-sex' mistakes that couples indulge in. So the next time you get intimate, make sure you do not switch into something just after finishing the act. Let the mood linger on for enhanced pleasure ...

Falling asleep at once : Most couples come across this problem where either one of the partners or both would fall asleep soon after having sex. This big goof-up can kill the entire charm of sex. Sleeping at once would not allow you to cherish your performance and neither let you enjoy the mood with which you enjoyed that night of passion.

Making way for washroom : Enjoying a hot shower together can be a great foreplay, but rushing to the washroom right after a hot sex is definitely not! Couples wont mind getting messy in their sexual acts, but as soon as its over, some make way to the washroom to clean-up. Though it may sound okay, they forget that the other partner might still be enjoying the mood and wants to have more of it. Heading straight to the washroom makes the other partner feel that theres been something unpleasing about the act, which spoils sexual bliss.

Calling a friend : Another common mistake that couples face after a steamy session. Its obvious that none would call a friend at odd hours to discuss official matters, so let a petty talk wait till the morning. When its time to enjoy sex, don't keep your eyes and ears stuck onto your mobile phone waiting for a message or missed calls. It makes the other partner feel as if youre just not interested and thus ruins all the fun.

Heading towards study or work : Thinking books and reading is indeed a sex blunder! Like sexual moments, its equally important to enjoy the after-sex pleasure. If you rather descend towards your study, leaving behind your partner, it wont bring any good to your sexual relationship. If you prefer reading a book instead of cuddling and snuggling, you are indeed inviting trouble into your sex paradise.

Sleeping separately : You might have a habit of sleeping separately but on a particular night when youve been intimate with your partner, exceptions are allowed. It's not a good idea to abandon your partner and pack your sheets and pillow to move to another room for a sound sleep after a lovemaking session. It not only kills the passion on that night, but also tarnishes your sexual relations.

Bringing kids to sleep along : Letting anyone invade your sexual privacy is bound to spoil your sexual pleasure and kids are no exception. Many mothers have a tendency to bring kids to sleep alongside on the same bed and if that happens after having sex, it gets worse. Well, such a gesture has all the reasons to annoy the other partner, who might have planned something more sensual to be enjoyed after a steamy romp.

Eating another meal : Eating a healthy meal together with your beloved can be a great start before a lovemaking act. But moving to the kitchen right after having sex looking for something to eat is equally disgusting. It ruins the entire passion and would make your partner feel that you didnt enjoy sex just because you were hungry and had food on your mind.

Men avoiding sex counselling before marriage

A new study has revealed that men on the verge of marriage should avoid sex counselling if they want to have a "problem-free" love life. The study looked into the sexual prowess of couples, and found that women who undergo pre-wedding counselling were more satisfied in the marital bedroom, whereas men who do not attend counselling were more satisfied in bed. In the research, 36 couples were asked to undergo premarital sex counselling, while 35 were asked not to, and the results showed that the sessions reduced fear and reluctance in the bedroom. "Through its ability to address and remove fear and misunderstanding and the resulting sexual reluctance and related problems, premarital sexual education and counselling can contribute to sexual satisfaction," News.com.au quoted the researchers as saying. Almost 81 per cent of women who attended the sessions had a "problem-free sexual life", compared to their non-counselled counterparts of which 77 percent had a similar result. But the researchers, from Pamukkale University and Ege University in Turkey, found that the sex lives of men were much better without the counselling. Despite the difference in satisfaction between the genders, the researchers said that couples should attend the sex counselling. "A recommendation to encourage engaged couples to attend premarital sexual counselling is made based on the findings," the research said of the findings published in the CSIRO journal Sexual Health. "It is thought that an intervention plan ... will help nurses guide recently married couples to greater sexual satisfaction," the researchers added.