Myths about low sexual desire

There are lots of moments in life when you seem to be the only one craving for sex and your partner just doesn't seem interested enough.
Most couples have faced this situation sometime or another in their sexual life even as the sex nosedives and vanishes for days/months and in worst case scenarios maybe even for years. Learning to recognise the symptoms behind a low sex drive helps to get out of the sticky situation. Here are the most common myths about your low sexual levels:
Myth 1: Too much stress leads to low sex drive
Banker Rohit Khanna complained about high stress levels to his partner. "I was having a tough time with my boss in office. That affected my interest in sex, but Aradhana just wouldn't understand. We ended up fighting, with my wife accusing me that I just wasn't interested in her anymore and I was put off by the thought of indulging in sex with her. Finally, we both had to visit a counselor who helped us see the problem for what it was. It was also a time when I had begun to doubt my own sexual prowess. So yes, it was extremely traumatic."
Beat it: Psychologist Poornima Adhikari explains, "Couples often go through high and low phases in their sexual desires. It could be triggered off by anything and stress is most often one of the major reasons for a lack luster sexual life. The hectic lifestyle of today bears ugly aftermaths and thus couples must figure out ways to de-stress. They should look into common areas of interest that help them bond and find happiness together. And talking about your problems is a great way of lowering high stress levels. So communicate, take out time even if it's just 10 minutes every day to talk about things that are troubling you."
Myth 2: Women's low libido are governed by her hormones
Shraddha Singh, a hotel executive reveals that men often believe that hormones regulate a woman's intrinsic moods and desires. "Anand, my husband always fought with me when I told him that I just didn't want to have sex today. He inevitably blamed it on my hormonal levels, saying that women were victims of their hormones. But that's such a huge misconception. Our hormones are just like our male counterparts too." She adds, "Often, a low libido is caused by eating habits, fatigue, not enough sleep and many more physiological factors. Also it's about our mental health."
Beat it: Adhikari points out that low sex drive in women often stems from how they feel about themselves and how they view their relationship with their partner. So when women complain about a low sex drive, their partners need to make them feel good about themselves. Couples need to sit together and work out how on to improve their existing relationship. The woman must be going through some kind of complex feelings that need to be detangled to take the relationship forward at a physical level.
Myth 3: Medications help to boost low sex drive
According to Dr Swaroop Pandit, Anshuman Hospital, a dip in sexual levels is often
caused by circumstances men/women face which causes physiological and psychological changes in the body. "Often patients seek an immediate solution but it takes time to make them realise that there isn't any immediate cure. It’s better if they could see it very objectively rather then losing sleep over it. It’s important to realise that medications can sometimes have just the opposite effect. So, what is important is to seek out the root of the problem, whether it’s physical, psychological or any other. That is half the fight done."
Beat it: Psychoanalyst Sushant Chauhan points out, "Medication should always be kept as the last option. Patients can often be cured by simply addressing their problems. And more than men, its women today who complain about their low sex drive. There are women who are traumatised by the balancing act that they have to deliver everyday by looking into both their professional and personal lives, so at times they almost give sex a miss. Women also get involved with their children once they become mothers so it takes a while to get back their normal drive. What it requires is some patience, a lot of love and time. These factors can go a long way to cure the fears and inhibitions you have."
Myth 4: Sexual drive works in isolation to our body
Business analyst Deepak Sharma experienced a phase of low libido. Stricken by panic attacks and running to and fro between seeing doctors and meeting deadlines worsened the case. A chain smoker, his smoking consequently saw a heady increase. "I was totally losing control. I was embarrassed to talk about my low libido with my peers and I just didn't know what was happening to me. Some said I should visit a doctor, some said I should try out herbal medication. I was just not in a position to realise what was causing it. I began to drink steadily along with smoking, often going without meals. And all the time I was thinking how everyone saw me as this loser," confesses Sharma.
Beat it: "This is definitely a cause and effect situation. Men are known to give their sexual drive a lot of importance, so it's very natural for them to react in this manner. Men, in India are a shy lot and very rarely come out to address problems until they are pushed by their partners or family members. Firstly, be clear that it doesn’t matter that you are experiencing a low libido level. However, once you face such a predicament, do not aggravate the problem by smoking and so on. It is a fact that smoking can cause impotency, but many people still do not view this as a major problem. So if you are a smoker, kick the habit. If you drink too often, start counting your drinks. Reshuffling your lifestyle, taking a holiday, pursuing interesting hobbies often leads to reinstating your drive," says Chauhan.
Myth 5: High sexual life is equivalent to a good emotional intimacy
Quite often we are taken over by a secure emotional intensity that we share with our partner. And we take that as a guarantee for a fulfilling sex life. Like Shweta Trikha, a struggling model, reveals, "I found a lot of emotional succor from my partner, especially because of the competitiveness that pervaded my work life. He made me feel like we are best friends and nothing could be better then this. But our sexual life was losing its zing. And I didn't know how to get it back on track. Despite drawing so much security from each other, we saw that we were losing steam in bed. That was the time when I hit the alarm bell."
Beat it: Adhikari explains, "Couples often experience moments when everything is going right for them emotionally, except that they are unable to feel a sexual desire for each other. So, instead of getting overwhelmed, go easy. A way out is not to think about having sex and scoring highly in the act. Instead start by just being playful. Forget about doing anything that is normal; instead think of ways to make yourself feel sexy and desired by your beau. The best solution is to feel desired for desire to take precedence in your love life."
Myth 6: If your partner wants to have sex and you don't, then you can make up by showing love in other ways
Confesses
college-goer Amit Nagpal, "I faced this problem with my girlfriend. We would often have these dry spells where we didn't touch each other for months even as my girl craved it. I would try to make up for my low sex drive by showering her with gifts, telling her how much I loved her almost all the time. But there was no satisfying her. She complained about not kissing, hugging and I just couldn't explain that I didn't feel like getting physically intimate. Finally there came a time when I decided to give her a break."
Beat it: "This is a problem that is very common, but never understood. Every couple shares a different chemistry, but it is important to touch and feel each other. Especially for married couples, because even if you try to show your love in other ways, it can't compensate for lack of physical closeness. The physical aspect is more important and can't t be replaced by any other act. So it's best to say that you are facing a problem, instead of trying to hide it by resorting to other means to display love," explains Chauhan.
Myth 7: Low libido makes you less desirable
This is a prevalent misconception that can scar the psyche of a person permanently. Fashion designer Sonal Lal, says," I was engaged to be married, but during our courtship period, I just couldn't do get physical with my fiance. Every time he suggested sex, I refused his overtures as I was unable to feel any physical longing for him. This went on till he broke off the engagement complaining that I was cold and frigid and undesirable. The experience hurt so much that I kept away from men for a long time post my broken engagement. And whenever anyone tried to cosy up with me, I shied away being afraid of being rejected all over again."
Beat It: Explains Chauhan that no individual has the right to abuse their partner who may be facing these problems. "Yes, it happens that we might not feel attracted to the person we have planned to marry. It's important to question the basis of your relationship with your prospective partner then, rather then taking the blame on yourself. As discussed, there could be problems beyond the periphery of normal understanding. And desire stems from feeling good about yourself. First develop a positive image about yourself," adds Chauhan.
Myth 8: Sex is the only thing in a relationship
Gautam Nirula, a sales executive says, "I was always told by my friends that a relationship is based on sex. Thus, when I got married, I concentrated on that. However what I failed to understand was that sex depends on a lot of factors. I always wanted sex and my wife kept on refusing me. And instead of understanding her predicament, I remained angry with her. This resulted in a distance between the two of us. Only when elders interfered and counselled me, I realized what was going wrong. Today; I feel that emotional compatibility, trust and faith in each other make the foundation on which great sex is built."
Beat it: Explains Adhikari, "Married couples need to go beyond sex to get it right in bed. If you harbour anger or resentment about your partner you can't enjoy a gratifying sexual life. Often it's the emotional closeness that is most required. When couples come to me I advise them not to think about their physical needs. Instead they are advised to look out for the things they like/love about each other. And develop their bond from there onwards. They need to concentrate on the positives than seeing the negatives. This helps them to get your passion back.

Recipe for better sex: What to eat to add spice

Need to spice up your sex life? All the ingredients you need may be found at your local grocery store.

Like many aspects of health, our sex drive is affected by what we put into our bodies. Certain foods affect the body in different ways. Depending on what you consume, wining and dining a date can induce more sleep than romance. A big, fancy dinner, a bottle of wine and fine chocolates may sound sweet — but such meals are actually little more than empty calories.

To really get your blood going, consider circulation-enhancing dishes. Food that's high in Omega-3 fatty acids such as mackerel, salmon and wild salmon are best. "Omega-3 makes your nervous system function better," says Dr. Barbara Bartlik, assistant professor of psychiatry and sex therapist with the Human Sexuality Program at Weill Cornell Medical Center. "Sex is really about circuitry." Multivitamins and minerals will help, too. Both improve neurological function, which contributes to good circulation.

Humans have sought ways to enhance or improve their sex lives for millennia — and have never been reluctant to spend money to make themselves better lovers. The ancient Romans were said to prefer such exotic aphrodisiacs as hippo snouts and hyena eyeballs. Traditional Chinese medicine espoused the use of such rare delicacies as rhino horn. Modern lovers are no less extravagant. In 2005, for example, according to Amsterdam-based health care information company Wulters Kluwer, Americans spent just under $1.4 billion to treat male sexual dysfunction disorders alone.

Of that amount, Viagra rang up $1.2 billion in sales for Pfizer, or 60 percent of the total market. Among the other drugs trying to find their way into American's bedside tables and back pockets are Levitra and Cialis.

There is a difference, of course, between helping sexual dysfunction and arousing our passions.

Aphrodisiacs, for the most part, have been shown to be ineffective. Named for Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of sex and beauty, these include an array of herbs, foods and other "agents" that are said to awaken and heighten sexual desire. But the 5,000-year tradition of using them is based more on folklore than real science. "There is no data and no scientific evidence," says Leonore Tiefer, clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine. "Product pushers are very eager to capitalize on myths," she says.

Most libido-enhancing products offer short term benefit at best, according to Dr. John Mulhall, director of the Sexual Medicine Program at New York Presbyterian and associate professor of urology at the Weill Medical College of Cornell University. Mulhall, who also sits on the Nutraceuticals Committee of the Sexual Medicine Society of North America, says, "Every year, we review the literature on these compounds — these nutraceuticals like nitric oxide and ginseng — and there are none that have really been shown to be more than a placebo."

When it comes to sexual function, the placebo effect probably accounts for 30 percent of improvements in men and around 50 percent in women, he says. That means there are a lot of people out there who believe a pill they are taking or a food they are eating is doing a lot of good for them sexually. In reality, their mind is doing all the work.

So, besides renting "The Story of O" and opening a bottle of red wine, what can people do to kick-start their sex life?

For a good time, try soy
One thing they can do is change their diet. Soy, for example, binds estrogen receptors, which helps the vaginal area remain lubricated and combats symptoms of menopause — particularly hot flashes. Studies have shown that soy is also beneficial to the prostate, a crucial male sex organ. However, it's important to note that women who have a history of breast cancer should not eat large amounts of soy, because the binding of estrogen receptors actually increases the risk of reoccurrence.

Foods that promote weight loss also hold libido-boosting potential. "There has been very solid research showing that obesity is a risk factor for erectile dysfunction and low testosterone," says Dr. Ridwan Shabsigh, director of the New York Center for Human Sexuality and associate professor of urology at Columbia University's medical school. "Reducing weight," he says, "results in an increase of testosterone, and thus an increase in sexual function."

'Good for your heart, good for your penis'
"From an erection standpoint, anything that's good for your heart is good for your penis," says Dr. Mulhall. Too much saturated fat can, over time, clog arteries and, in doing so, prevent an adequate flow of blood from reaching the genital region. This not only interferes with the ability to perform, but also with sexual pleasure. Too little fat, on the other hand, is also bad.
"You need fat to produce your hormones," says Beverly Whipple, professor emerita at Rutgers University and president of the World Association for Sexology. "Cholesterol is metabolized in the liver, and you get your testosterone and estrogen, which you need for your sex drive," she says. Olive oil, salmon and nuts are optimal sources of the "good" kinds of fats —monounsaturated and polyunsaturated.

According to Dr. Judith Reichman, author of "I'm Not in the Mood: What Every Woman Should Known about Improving Her Libido," medical and hormonal problems are major contributors to sexual dysfunction and a low libido — but so are too much stress, relationship difficulties and psychological issues. Antidepressants, such as Prozac by GlaxoSmithKline and Paxil by Eli Lilly, can negatively affect sex drive as well.
Grab some granola
Improved circulation results in greater erectile response. To accomplish that, go for food rich in L-Arginine, such as granola, oatmeal, peanuts, cashews, walnuts, dairy, green vegetables, root vegetables, garlic, ginseng, soybeans, chickpeas and seeds. Studies show that L-Arginine is helpful for improving sexual function in men. There haven't been studies done on women — but remember, erectile response isn't just a guy thing. "Women have erections too: in their clitoris and the tissue surrounding the vulva," says Bartlik.
Sourse:www.msnbc.msn.com

12 sex mistakes you should never commit

While much has been written about how to boost action in the bedroom, there are things one should never do when it comes
to sex.

In her new book, titled ‘Sex with Your Ex & 69 Other Things You Should Never Do Again... Plus a Few That You Should’, author Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright has mentioned things that one should strictly refrain to keep a healthy sex life, reports Fox News.

And, according to her, the don’ts of sex are:

1. Never have a "type" of orgasm - have your orgasm

Instead of trying to have a breast, clitoral, G-spot or blended orgasm, forget the labels and have yours. Don’t worry about having a specific type, but focus on pampering your whole body, attending to any of its hot spots. This beckons your orgasm by not being so goal-oriented.

2. Never talk about past sexual relationships

Don’t invite distress into your current romance by reminiscing about the good times or bad times you’ve had with other jerks, hotties, players or loves. Focus on the present and making it the most memorable.

3. Never let sex get routine

While it’s wise to get in a routine to make sure sex happens, don’t let the sex itself get routine. This only invites monotony and the mundane. To keep things hot, be sure to keep things new and fresh.

4. Never just lie there

A big complaint you’ll hear from men and women alike is that their lover didn’t do much of anything during sex. Men have grumbled that she doesn’t move during lovemaking. Most people like an active lover - one responsive to the action, which shows that they’re into the moment.

5. Never move in together (or get married) a second time

Things didn’t work out the first time for good reason. Maybe you love each other, but if you’re incompatible or fight too much, it’s better to cut your losses and move on to a situation that does work.

6. Never drink cheap beer and stay overnight

Don’t set yourself up to be someone’s gassy guest. Get the walk of shame over with sooner rather than later, lest you stink up someone’s bedroom and bathroom. This is not the kind of lasting impression most seducers are after.

7. Never drink more than 1-2 glasses of alcohol

While spirits can do a lot for one’s spirits, sexual self-confidence, and libido, keep your booze to a minimum. More than a couple of glasses can cause erectile difficulties in men and vaginal dryness in women. Being buzzed or drunk can also lead to high-risk sexual behaviours.

8. Never compare yourself to Victoria’s Secret or Abercrombie models .

It’s no good to think that these real-life moving mannequins are the standard by which you should judge your face or form. You’ve got your own unique look and that can be super sexy, depending on how you wear it. That starts with a smile and indicating to others that you feel quite good about yourself.

9. Never totally trust magazine sex tips

Don’t mindlessly copy magazine sex tips. Think about the suggestion first. Is it hot or completely ridiculous? Will it work for your sexual relationship? Or does it have the potential to sabotage your sex life?

10. Never douche before sex

Despite popular belief, douching is not a safe or healthy way to clean the vagina. Doing so upsets the vagina’s delicate chemical balance, increasing your chance of developing pelvic inflammatory disease or other health problems. Let the vagina naturally cleanse itself and worry about other much sexier activities pre-sex.

11. Never attempt tricky Kama Sutra positions if you are not flexible .

Stick with pursuing sexual positions that are comfortable for you.

12. Never listen to somebody slamming your sexy self .

Is a guy suggesting that you get breast implants? Is some gal making fun of your penis size? In either case, ignore the criticism, or in the very least, fire back.

Four secrets of amazing sex revealed

Want to have a rocking bedroom life with your partner? Well, a new book that can unlock your passion potential might just be of great help. 
‘The 4 Secrets of Amazing Sex’, by Georgia Foster and Beverley Anne Foster, talks about body as well as mind, when it comes to sex. 
“We focus on the mind as much as the body,” the Sun quoted Georgia as said. 
"It’s not a book about sexual positions. Anyone can have sex, but to have amazing sex, your mind needs to be participating,” Georgia added. 
The four secrets of amazing sex are: 
Seduction 
“The first secret deals with how to sustain a heady passion with your partner. Most people assume they need to be seduced to feel sexy – wrong! We first create the desire in our own mind. It’s your responsibility to understand what turns you on. It’s about taking notice of how you are feeling – not expecting a partner to immediately trigger sexual feeling.” 
Sensation 
“The second secret is all about the six senses. Absorb the energy between you and your partner, as well as remembering smell, touch, sound and taste. The six senses are often overlooked in our busy lives, but without them sex is dull.” 
Surrender 
“The third secret is when you feel safe to surrender to your partner and have sex. Thanks to secrets one and two, your mind is ready and your senses alive. You need to feel you want to be there and your mind is present to feel connected to your partner.” 
Reflection 
“If you’ve had fun with the first three secrets, reflection is about looking back on the experience and feeling you want to do it all again. If the experience is bad, people will look back on it negatively and may avoid a repeat performance and lack confidence.” 

Males who serenade females get more sex

Females of an Asian species of water strider keep their genitalia hidden to avoid any forceful copulation attempts, and expose them only after males produce a courtship "song" by tapping the water surface, according to a study. 

The study by Chang Seok Han and Piotr Jablonski at Seoul National University, Korea, found that females evolve a morphological shield to protect their genitalia from an approaching male. 

It is already known that the mechanisms for the way Darwinian natural selection, acts separately on males and females, result in different traits in males than in females. 

However, at times, a behavioural trait, such as mating frequency, depends on both the male and the female characteristics.  

In many animals, including humans, natural selection favours higher mating frequency in males than in females, which leads to an evolutionary "arms race" where males evolve adaptations that force females to mate, while females evolve defences against males'' attempts. 

In the study, it was observed that females of an Asian species of water striders, Gerris gracilicornis, win the evolutionary race by evolving a morphological shield behind which their genitalia are hidden from males, protecting them against the males'' forceful attempts to mate. 

Thus, in response to the female adaptation, after the violent mounting onto the female''s back (typical in water striders), males of this species produce courtship signals by tapping the water surface with their middle legs.  

And only after receiving the male''s "song" that the females expose their genitalia for copulation. 

The study has been published in the open-access, peer-reviewed journal PLoS one.

Most troubling after-sex mistakes

You are enjoying a steamy session of sex with your partner. And as your passion reaches its climax, an ultimate sexual joy is felt like you never felt before. The moment both of you get over with this encounter of passion, your partner head towards your study and starts reading or turns over and falls into a dead deep sleep. Imagine what a turn-off that would be indeed!

But its a common mistake that couples often commit right after enjoying an intimate session with their partner. They might have worked hard to satisfy their partner in bed, but just one little mistake can spoil all the fun!

The nature of the above after-sex mistakes makes you believe that you were just waiting for sex to get over to indulge in some other non-sexual activity. Or in some cases, they assume that you had something else running through your mind while having sex.

These are absolutely unintentional acts often terribly goofs-up and kill the sexual mood. Most couples fail to understand that switching off from the sexual state of mind leaves the other partner highly irritated.

Dr. Pushkar Gupta, a Chandigarh-based sex therapist opines, It is very likely that partners who right away indulge in something else after having sex, might have performed sex as a duty and not an act of enjoyment. While there are several ways to keep up the mood even after the actual sex is over, some partners look for ways to remain busy and thus they end up committing lesser known 'after-sex' mistakes.

Dr. Amita Mishra, sex and relationship expert states, After enjoying the sexual act, if a partner tries to get involved in something not related to sex, it surely makes the other partner feel disowned. While there should be an effort to linger on with the sexual feel even after the actual act is over, couples who deviate from this mood are certainly affecting their sexual relationship.

Here we list some common 'after-sex' mistakes that couples indulge in. So the next time you get intimate, make sure you do not switch into something just after finishing the act. Let the mood linger on for enhanced pleasure ...

Falling asleep at once : Most couples come across this problem where either one of the partners or both would fall asleep soon after having sex. This big goof-up can kill the entire charm of sex. Sleeping at once would not allow you to cherish your performance and neither let you enjoy the mood with which you enjoyed that night of passion.

Making way for washroom : Enjoying a hot shower together can be a great foreplay, but rushing to the washroom right after a hot sex is definitely not! Couples wont mind getting messy in their sexual acts, but as soon as its over, some make way to the washroom to clean-up. Though it may sound okay, they forget that the other partner might still be enjoying the mood and wants to have more of it. Heading straight to the washroom makes the other partner feel that theres been something unpleasing about the act, which spoils sexual bliss.

Calling a friend : Another common mistake that couples face after a steamy session. Its obvious that none would call a friend at odd hours to discuss official matters, so let a petty talk wait till the morning. When its time to enjoy sex, don't keep your eyes and ears stuck onto your mobile phone waiting for a message or missed calls. It makes the other partner feel as if youre just not interested and thus ruins all the fun.

Heading towards study or work : Thinking books and reading is indeed a sex blunder! Like sexual moments, its equally important to enjoy the after-sex pleasure. If you rather descend towards your study, leaving behind your partner, it wont bring any good to your sexual relationship. If you prefer reading a book instead of cuddling and snuggling, you are indeed inviting trouble into your sex paradise.

Sleeping separately : You might have a habit of sleeping separately but on a particular night when youve been intimate with your partner, exceptions are allowed. It's not a good idea to abandon your partner and pack your sheets and pillow to move to another room for a sound sleep after a lovemaking session. It not only kills the passion on that night, but also tarnishes your sexual relations.

Bringing kids to sleep along : Letting anyone invade your sexual privacy is bound to spoil your sexual pleasure and kids are no exception. Many mothers have a tendency to bring kids to sleep alongside on the same bed and if that happens after having sex, it gets worse. Well, such a gesture has all the reasons to annoy the other partner, who might have planned something more sensual to be enjoyed after a steamy romp.

Eating another meal : Eating a healthy meal together with your beloved can be a great start before a lovemaking act. But moving to the kitchen right after having sex looking for something to eat is equally disgusting. It ruins the entire passion and would make your partner feel that you didnt enjoy sex just because you were hungry and had food on your mind.

Sex scenes make sense, says Jennifer Connelly

Jennifer Connelly believes that sex scenes are mostly uncomfortable, but insists they're nowhere near as bad as everyone make them out to be.

She told Britain''s Guardian newspaper: "Sex scenes are incredibly awkward, they''re always uncomfortable. I think they''re overused and people get very flustered by them.

"People don''t know how to discuss them and there''s a lot of embarrassment."

However, the 'Hulk' star insists that sometimes the scenes are logical, The China Daily reports.

"It''s not my favourite thing to do, but there are circumstances in which they make sense. I just wish people wouldn''t dance around them," she said.

Jennifer stars alongside her real-husband Paul Bettany, who plays evolutionary biologist Charles Darwin, in new film ''Creation.''

She said: "We had heard a lot of opinions about it but I wanted to work with Paul because he''s a very good actor and I thought it would be a privilege to work with him.

"There are certain scenarios people don''t want to see, like a married couple having sex in a film.

" But I don''t want to see a sexy movie about Charles Darwin, and the filmmakers didn''t want to make that film, so it seemed like there was nothing about our personal pairing that could take away from the film."

Smart people are sexier

A person''s sex quotient lies in his or her brain, according to a study that suggests that being smart is sexy, and the smartest males get the most partners.

Through a study on Australian birds, a team of researchers have lent support to the idea that our big human brain evolved because it is a sexually attractive organ, not just a useful one.

According to the above theory, signs of intelligence - such as creating art, music, and humour - could have made the brainiest people luckiest in love.

The theory was hugely discussed in the book ''The Mating Mind'' by an evolutionary psychologist, Geoffrey Miller, almost a decade ago.

Jason Keagy, of the University of Maryland in the US, said that testing the theory in humans was very difficult, and thus he chose to observe satin bowerbirds at Wallaby Creek in NSW instead.

He claimed that Bowerbirds are intelligent.

''''But they''re not as complex as humans," Stuff.co.nz quoted him as saying.
Keagy could get an accurate record of the male birds'' sexual success by videotaping their every movement.
''''They can''t really lie to us," he said.

Known for their fascination with blue objects, bowerbirds have a strong aversion to red.

In the first IQ test, the researchers placed three red objects under a clear plastic container in their bower, and found that the smartest males could remove the cover and carry away the offending objects in 20 seconds.

''''It looks pretty simple, but some weren''t able to do it,'''' said Keagy.

In a second braintwister, he glued a red object down and observed that some bowerbirds kept on trying in vain to pull it out, while the brighter ones quickly twigged this was impossible and covered it with leaves.

The males who failed the plastic container test were spurned.
''''No females were mating with them,'''' said Keagy.

However, the smartest birds attracted up to 20 female partners a season.
''''This is the first evidence [in any species] that individuals with better problem-solving abilities are more sexually attractive,'''' he said.

He claimed that greater intelligence could allow male bowerbirds to woo more females because they can build more elaborate bowers, are better dancers or are more responsive to subtle cues from the females during courtship.

Alternative theories to the mating mind include that our large brain evolved because it was advantageous for hunting or living in social groups, and cultural creativity was simply a fortuitous by-product of the struggle to survive.

The study has been published in the journal Animal Behaviour.

Women have sex to relieve boredom

Women indulge in sex not for love and passion, but for various other “unromantic” reasons including relieving themselves of boredom, out of pity for a man and even to cure a migraine headacheâ says a new book.

‘Why Women Have Sex’ by Cindy Meston and David Buss has highlighted 200 reasons as to why women have sexual intercourse.

While attraction ranks way down in the list, it seems that women go to bed with their partners as a way of relieving boredom, keeping the peace, curing a headache and even as a thank you for a nice dinner.

“Research has shown that most men find most women at least somewhat sexually attractive, whereas most women do not find most men sexually attractive at all,” the Telegraph quoted the authors, who are both psychology professors at the University of Texas, as saying.

The researchers interviewed 1,006 women as research for the book, and found some very surprising answers.

One revealed that she did it for a spiritual experience, as she thought it to be “the closest thing to God”.

Others listed “cure for stress headache”, “to make my sexual skills better” and “for a clearer complexion”.

However, the majority (84 per cent), admitted that they had sex to ensure a quiet life or to bargain for their partners to carry out household chores.

“I have sex to relieve the boredom. Because it’s easier than fighting. Plus it gives me something to do,” said one of the interviewee.

While another admitted: “I had sex with a couple of guys because I felt sorry for them.”

One of the surveys carried out by the authors revealed that one in ten women admitted having sexual intercourse in return for presents, or lavish meals.

Responses included “he bought me a nice dinner” or “he spent a lot of money on me early on”, “he gave me gifts early on” and “he showed me he had an extravagant lifestyle”.

Relax, gear up for longer sessions

Sessions of extended lovemaking are a dream for many. Many who send in letters seeking advice seem to look for an opportunity to stay beneath the sheets for hours together. Besides these group of men and women, there are others who get the chance but fail in keeping the extended bit of time going. When such rare occasion does arise one needs to make it a point to keep it enjoyable as well as enduring if the session needs to be unending.

So what do you do to keep yourself in good form? My advice is that

even the most virile and energetic must rest and rejuvenate. Here are a few tips:

Next time you ready yourself for a marathon love making session, make sure you eat something that releases energy slowly. Grains and low GI carbohydrates are suggested. Plus, make sure you are well hydrated.

Try your best to delay orgasm. Do this by choosing positions that provide less stimulation. Positions can be altered when you you feel like you are losing it. And, important, an orgasm is never the end of a session. A short rest before you resume is advised.

Engage in cuddling, fondling, massage, general touching, and kissing. A rest does not have to be totally sexual in nature. Couples can make love for hours by exploring new ways of loving.

If you thought alcoholic drinks can be a relaxant, fine. But then keep your wine glass away after two or three drinks. Alcohol lowers a man's ability to achieve and maintain erections, that's why. It is also common knowledge that alcohol has sedative effects. It could make you to fall asleep so easily.

Try things in a more innovative way. Sex toys like vibrators, beads or other sex paraphernalia can add to the fun if used in the proper way.

Last but not the least, sex play for hours could cause dryness. So it would be good if you keep a quality lubricant handy. A brand that tastes nice and is non-greasy is advised.

Spicing it up with sexperiments

How many of you know that there's more to a rocking sex life than just simple, great sex? In fact, marvelous sex includes different kinds of sex, even the ones you haven't dared to experiment with.

It has been found that couples in long-term relationship often opt for this kind of act as they miss the excitement and lust filled initial-days of their relationship. With time, a couple's love life loses its zing and to get it back one needs to try new things. This is when they try pushing the regular comfort zones.

So what does experimenting mean? Trying a new position or a new room in the house might be included. Couples can even try out making love on the terrace or in the balcony or at some public place. But make sure no embarrassment happens.

The wow feeling is the bonus when you experiment. The we've never done that before" excitement is enough to bring back the fun.

No matter how long you've been in a relationship, you need to have some out of the world sexual experience at least once a while. So try pushing the boundaries, as this will heighten the trust between you partners. It can also help in creating an exceptional comfort level and minimise the possibilities of casual flings outside the relationship.

Whats more, go on a vacation when both of you are ready. Venture into some romantic locale and get things going. Vacation sexcapades can be a good catalyst to reignite the passion in a relationship.

Also make sure you leave your laptop behind, and switch off the cell phone. Gadgets such as these can be major irritants.

Mistakes women make in bed

A lot of who confess about the mistakes they make in bed. Most of them are not just interesting but are serious enough to be dissected. Let me look at a few mistakes women inadvertently commit while having sex.

Though it is common knowledge that men are more active during sex and expect their mate to be equally participative, it is to be understood that women are not far behind. However, most often that not, they keep their desires and apprehensions under wraps, thereby committing several sex mistakes. Here are some of them:

Action, not speech, counts

Women insisting on talking more when in bed. They actually end up spoiling the mood for steamy session under the covers. It is to be noted that sex is about close gestures, physical intimacy and exchange of touch with the partner, so too much talking is a strict NO. Women must understand the mood of the situation and accordingly cut down their discussions and concentrate more on love making .

Position probs

Women tend to get apprehensive about sex positions. And, they most of the time, end up getting anxious about trying out newer positions. Apprehensions about new positions make women restraining their partner from experiencing full pleasure. This is simply Bad! What I advise is, whatever position you mate is keen on trying, let him progress slowly . Never get restless, and if at all you still get uneasy, voice yoour concern in a soft manner.

Stop seeing it as a give and take deal

Treating sex as obligation means you are not made for it. Such an attitude can be a big turn off. To put it simple, even if you have experienced an orgasm, make sure you hold on to the pleasure moments till your partner achieves one.