Woman's emotional guide for sex

It’s rightly said that you perform well in bed when you have the desire to score brownie points. 
Everyone likes to enjoy lovemaking with a fully charged up mind and at the same time they want an equally aroused partner in bed to ensure gratifying sex. It's the emotion, mood and the present state of mind that adds to the sexual ecstasy. 
A recent study revealed that women with a high emotional intelligence have better sex lives and they experienced more orgasms than those with low EI who suffered orgasmic disorder. “The findings show that emotional intelligence is an added advantage in many aspects of your life, including the bedroom. This study enormously helps in the development of behavioural and cognitive therapies to improve women's sexual lives," said Professor Tim Spector, director of the Twin Research Department at King's College London. 
Relationship counselor Gitanjali Sharma explains, “Emotional intelligence is basically the ability to understand your emotions and those of people around you. It’s about reading emotions, balancing and regulating them. If you are emotionally satisfied, you are in a happier mood which applies to your bedroom too. It’s important to realise that sex starts in one's mind before it reaches the body. Before having sex physically, you actually get physical mentally and that is possible only with an emotionally sound mind.” 
Dr. Kamal Khurana, a marriage and relationship counselor agrees, “Women give sex to get love, so they want a lot of reassurance and companionship from their male partner. They have a sex drive, but eventually it’s more about emotional warmth, which turns into an expression of love and sex. When women receive more of emotional support in dealing with their mood swings, they are happier and consequently perform well in bed.” 
Elucidating the fact that women can spice up their sex lives with a dash of emotions, we get experts to share some emotions that can do wonders in your sexual paradise when dealt with in a desired way... 
Angry : Anger has to do with fear and it is a very healthy emotion. Anger problems can make hungry-for-sex women become so adamant on controlling their anger that they stop feeling sexy. It's often an alarm clock for their male partner where men are expected to understand that there's something making the woman angry. Anger leads to rejection of the male in an intimate act. The emotion of anger clearly shows that there is a problem deep down due to which the female partner may not be responding in the desired manner. 
Spice up the emotion : Dr. Kamal Khurana, a marriage therapist suggests, “Of course you should not talk at that particular time, but men should try and find out the right time to reach out to their lady love. Try talking about what is bothering your lady in a nice manner, which is not hurtful or provoking. As soon as you trace the reason behind her anger, try bringing in a dash of surprise humour to lighten up her mood. Express your love through a meaningful gesture by saying ‘I love you’ via a card, keeping romantic notes below her pillow, cracking a sexual joke or sending her favourite flowers.” 
Overjoyed : When a woman is going through this emotion, she would evidently want to go on talking about her elated state of mind. Having such a good mood, she would undoubtedly perform well in bed, but her mind is likely to be diverted. 
Spice up the emotion : Gitanjali Sharma, a relationship counselor states, “It’s entirely up to the male partner as to how he handles his woman in bed on that particular night. It’s important for him to listen to her and support her and be a part of her celebration. Understand that she is at her joyful peak, so it will be wrong to expect her to be on the peak of sex too. Be patient and make the most of this emotion by going with the flow. Connect with her and laugh out loud on whatever she says and then as the passion builds on, you can proceed for an intimate session.” 
Anxious : Anxious people do not often experience a satisfying orgasm. Anxiety exists when a woman is afraid of something that might happen in the future or something which she has experienced during a particular day. When she goes to bed with these anxieties running through her mind, she is not mentally prepared to enjoy sex. If this emotion is not dealt with properly, possibilities are there that sex would be avoided often and there will be more of excuses in your relationship. 
Spice up the emotion : “Ensuring that your woman doesn’t get carried away with this emotion, the male partner has to be supportive here. When in such a mood, sex should not be treated as a tick-marked routine thing which has to be done mundanely. The act should be aimed at comforting each other and the secondary stage should involve body contact. Lot of discussions would help bringing you partner closer to you and as you touch upon the different domains of her life, sex will naturally flow,” suggests Dr. Khurana. 
Isolated : This emotion can bring drastic results in a woman’s sex life. Due to a feeling of isolation, she may suffer from depression and have a low confidence level. With feelings of being disowned, she would not want to attach herself with anyone, thus bearing a clear unwillingness towards sex. On the other hand, seeking physical and emotional support, she may become too vulnerable thereby indulging in sex just to come out of this isolation. 
Spice up the emotion : “In such circumstances, men must communicate with their female partners to try and help her regain high emotional intelligence. Loving gestures from your end will reassure her and make her come close to you. Once you have given her the recognition and made her feel important in some way, she would be all into you and will be charged up for a sexual session too,” says Gitanjali. 
Silence : There must be certain inhibitions that induce a woman to remain silent for a prolonged time span. When a woman is unable to express her mind freely, or she is undergoing emotional pain, her self-esteem is low. During lovemaking moments when your lady love is in such a mood, she will behave as if sex is a forced pressure on her. 
Spice up the emotion : “The basic idea while dealing with this emotion is to make her open up and speak out her mind. Chances are high that she might have certain sexual preferences, which she is finding tough to communicate. So make her feel at ease, indulge in a healthy conversation over a coffee, empower her to be expressive and say whatever she wants to without any apprehensions. Once her thoughts are conveyed in a proper manner, she will look forward to lovemaking, sans any uneasiness,” feels Dr. Khurana. 
Negative attitude : A pessimistic emotion makes a woman see everything wrong around her. Indulging in negative self-talk, there is nothing that seems to bring joy to her. Even if her male partner approaches her for sex, she is likely not to respond in a desired way. 
Spice up the emotion : “The male partner needs to instill a positive feeling to help the woman come out of her negativity. It’s advisable to highlight positive things and good attributes about her and pamper her so as to create a feel good feeling. It’s only after creating this good mood around a lady that her libido can be nurtured too,” shares Gitanjali. 
Source:timesofindia.com

Sex without condom is good for mental health

Having sex without using condom is good for mental health, according to a new study.
Professor Stuart Brody, of the West of Scotland University, Paisley, and his colleagues conducted the study and found that unprotected heterosexual sex can significantly boost men and women''s mental wellbeing.
On the other hand, heterosexual sex with a condom is linked to poorer mental health, the study showed.
According to Brody, mankind is biologically programmed to enjoy unprotected sex because it gives couples an evolutionary advantage and maximises the chances of reproducing.
"Evolution is not politically correct, so of the very broad range of potential sexual behaviour, there is actually only one that is consistently associated with better physical and mental health and that is the one sexual behaviour that would be favoured by evolution. That is not accidental," the Scotsman quoted Brody as saying.
The researchers studied the sexual behaviour of 99 women and 111 men in Portugal.
 They filled in questionnaires about the pleasure they derived from their sex lives and contraception use.
Using a measure of psychological health developed in Canada, Brody concluded that condom use was linked to members of the sample who exhibited problems dealing with stress.
He found that those who had unprotected sex appeared to be able to deal with stress in a more mature way by taking effective action. They also had better mental health.
However, his conclusions have been criticised by sexual health campaigners, who warned that unsafe sex leads to unwanted pregnancies and diseases.
Tony Kerridge of Marie Stopes International, the leading sexual health and reproductive health organisation, said: "I would have thought that the mental health of anyone would be tested if they found out they had a sexually transmitted disease or that there was an unwanted pregnancy.
"Particularly in the case of casual relationships where there is no desire to get pregnant, advice should always be that condoms should be used," Kerridge added.
The study has been published in the academic journal Archives of Sexual Behaviour.

People learning sex secrets from Internet

As many as 75 per cent of Malaysians have Internet to thank for providing them information on sex, a new poll suggests.
According to the Durex Sexual Wellbeing Survey, men were ahead when compared to women in using the World Wide Web to surf about bedroom passion.
Other sources included magazines with as many as seventy-three per cent of the respondents relying on them, reports The Star Online.
Sixty-five per cent turned to books, 56 per cent to friends and peers, and 43 per cent to their partners.
Sex education at school made up for only 36 per cent.

Secret behind passionate kiss revealed

Ummmms’ and ‘aaahhhs’ are not the only co-partners of kissing, for a passionate lip-lock unleashes a chain of chemical changes that really turn your head, claims a new study.
As Valentine's Day approaches, Wendy Hill, professor of psychology at Lafayette College, Pennsylvania has taken the opportunity to shed light on that most basic of all human expressions of love – the smooch.
In her study, Wendy has found that a meeting of lips can spark a complex chemical surge into the brain that makes a lover feel excited, happy or relaxed. Also, it is being speculated that the hormone release may be triggered directly by an exchange of sexually stimulating pheromones in the saliva.
“This study shows kissing is much more complex and causes hormonal changes and things we never thought occurred,” The Times quoted her, as saying. “We tend to think more about who we are kissing and how it feels, yet there are a lot of other things happening,” she added.
To reach the conclusion, the research team looked at the impact of kissing on levels of two hormones, oxytocin and cortisol, in 15 male-female couples before and after holding hands and before and after kissing.
Oxytocin is known to be involved in social bonding so the researchers predicted that its levels would rise, while cortisol, a stress hormone, would fall. The results showed cortisol levels fell in both sexes, although oxytocin levels rose in men but fell in women.

Decode your lover's body language

No matter where you bump into your eye candy - at a friend's house, at a bar, a restaurant or even in the midst of a crowded market, the questions remain the same: "What on Earth is he/she thinking? Does he/she really like me? Do I stand a chance?"
But do you know that men and women both are pre-programmed to send out physical clues when they're interested in the opposite sex? A huge advantage of becoming aware of your love interest's body language is that you can now read her mind and predict their next move. Here's how you can understand body language clues...
Her Body
Eye Contact : It all starts with an eye lock, doesn't it? Eyes telegraph unspoken messages and the female species definitely knows how to use this part of their body to their advantage. "I use this trick when I want to attract a guy's attention and no matter how clichéd it sounds, this trick always works!" says Sunaina Sharma, a student. "My first interaction with my wife started through eye contact. She was sitting with her friends on a staircase in college and I was a newcomer. It won't be wrong to say that she literally used her eyes as weapons to trap the prey (me)!" shares Prabhu a corporate executive.
Hot tip : "An eye contact can vary from curiosity, cool assessment to a coy interest in someone. When a girl makes eye contact that lasts longer than a furtive glance, it is a positive move on her part. If a girl looks deeply into a guy's eyes, she's telling him that he's the most charming person in the room. However, a full frontal stare is risky. It may come across as too bold to those men who get freaked out by direct behavior by a woman," says Dr. Upadhyaya.
Exposing : Yes, we know that most women love indulging in skin show, but here we're talking about a particular area: their long and smooth neck. "There was a girl in my office who was infamous for indulging in sex talks with male colleagues. She would always sit with her hair on one side of her shoulder, revealing her slender and perfumed neck. In fact, some of her friends told me once that she purposely did this as she felt it made her look sexy and was a nice way of luring someone for dirty talks," reveals Shailja Thakur, a business analyst.
Hot tip : "When you're reading a woman's body gestures, observe if she tosses her hair over one shoulder frequently. If your answer is in the affirmative, then be assured that the lady has fallen hard for you," says Dr. Akhouri. "It's an indirect act of submission and it not only exposes your neck, but also screams for attention," he adds.
Leg Crossing : The next time you get the chance to sit with your eye candy, observe her leg movements very carefully. While crossing her legs, if her top leg always points in your direction, treat it as a win-win situation. "I personally feel that a woman's whole personality changes as soon as she crosses her legs... it creates a goddess-like aura around her. On my last date, the girl sat with her legs crossed sexily all through the date and occasionally rubbed her thighs. Not only did I got broad hints, but it also was a big turn on for me," says Manu Vohra, a marketing manager.
Hot tip : According to Dr. Upadhyaya., "Leg crossing is suggestive of a nervous or provocative gesture. Often, woman can't help crossing their legs in front of the guy they have the hots for. It is a subconscious gesture that clearly says a man is getting on to her."
Arm Crossing : Crossing of arms by a woman has numerous meanings. "The receptionist in my old office used to sit with her hands and legs crossed every time I was around. Initially, I thought her to be an arrogant lass, but it was only when she asked me out one day that I realised what that meant," says Sagarmani Dhakal, a corporate executive. "The best way to highlight your assets in front of a man is to cross your hands right below your chest and the guy is bound to notice you!," suggests Puja Khanna, a marketing executive. "Whenever I want something more from a guy than just talking and shopping, this is the trick that I apply," she quips.
Hot tip : "Crossed arms signal a woman's vulnerability and it can also be a way of telling a guy that she doesn't like him and doesn't want him around at all. Crossing of arms over her chest is also a clever way of drawing attention towards her assets," explains Dr. Upadhyaya.
Leaning : If you catch your ladylove practically leaning towards your shoulders most of the times she's around you, there is very little chance that she is not madly in love with you! "I went with my colleague for a movie and throughout the film, I could feel her hair on my neck and shoulders. The hint was enough for me to understand that I wasn't a mere colleague for her anymore," says Sunny Kudav, a programmer.
So the next time you want your guy to know he means a lot to you, just put your head on his shoulder, close your eyes and relax! "When my husband and I were just friends, and wanted to graduate to the level of lovers, I kept dropping hints like these. I would quietly lean over his body and say nothing. I wanted him to know that I was dependent on him and that his company was soothing and that life without him would now be difficult," says Shailja Sharma, a housewife.
Hot tip : "There is nothing more pleasurable than to make your love confession indirectly to your man. If a woman leans on a man, it's a sign of acceptance. It means she thinks the guy is dependable and trustworthy. She has found in you her dream man," tells Dr. Akhouri.
HIS BODY
Eyebrow flash : Pay attention to your crush's eyebrows the next time you meet him, for this gesture can convey his likeability for you. "Whether you walk the corridor of a corporate office or go shopping in a crowded street, you will find at least a dozen men staring at you with their raised eyebrows. This gesture is too obvious to go unnoticed," says Drishika Chowdhry, a model.
Hot tip : "When the person we're attracted to comes before us, our first reaction is that of raising our eyebrows", says Dr. Pramod Upadhyaya. "It lasts about a fifth of a second and it happens to everyone," he adds.
He's checking out your body : His eyes take a tour of your body, stopping for a moment to scan the sexiest parts. "Guys do this all the time. I remember a guy from final year whom I dated for a couple of months. He would make it a point to scan my body as soon as I entered the class. And the strangest part was that he would want to me see his act," holds Ritu Rauthan, an MCA student. "If one wants to end up in bed with a girl, he needs to throw strong signals and the best way to do it is to let her see you when you are exploring every part of her body with your eyes," says Vishal Khandelwal, a web designer.
Hot tip : "When a guy lets you see him checking out your body, it's a way of indirectly telling the opposite sex: 'I'm considering you as a sexual partner'," says Dr.Tapas K Akhouri, a body language trainer.
His hands are on your body : This means the guy is subconsciously drawing your attention to his assets. Whichever part a man aims at is the most meaningful part to him. "My boyfriend used to position his chest towards me while talking and sometimes he would put his hands in his back pockets and walk. When we grew close he told me that these were the areas where he loves my touch the most," says Anu, a hotel receptionist.
Hot tip : "Guys generally do this to highlight their physical size and body confidence," mentions Dr. Upadhyaya. "Men point at their best sexual assets and at the parts of the body where they would most like to be touched. For example, if during a conversation, he stands with his hands on his hips, he wants you to touch and admire his bottom," he adds.
He'll start playing with circular objects : Ever wondered why? They remind him of a woman's assets. "My best friend had a habit of fiddling with rolled magazines, newspapers, paper weights and any round object he could lay his hands upon, whenever we were together. Once he caught me in private and tried to get physical. I was bewildered. Later I read about this body language cue in a magazine and realized what his gestures meant. He always had sexual thoughts on his mind," says Priya, (name changed on request), a BPO worker.
Hot tip : "Men sometimes start playing with round objects while talking to the girl they have a liking for. They may squeeze a glass or start rolling it. The reason being their sexual inclination towards that particular girl," explains Dr. Upadhyaya.
He touches his face a lot : One of the ways in which a man's body speaks of his ardent feelings is the way he touches his ears, rubs his chin and pats his cheeks with the back of his fingers in front of his lady love. "I touch my face and neck quite a lot in front of the girls I have the hots for. It is something that happens involuntarily with me...mostly when I am nervous," says Jitender Bharadwaj, a BPO employee.
Hot tip : "It's a mix of nervousness and excitement. Attraction is a dangerous matter and our body can knowingly or unknowingly reveal it in ways that are quite unfamiliar to most of us. Out lips and mouth become sensitive to touch and other stimulations," says Dr. Akhouri.
Source:timesofindia

Comfort zones for sex

If boredom is setting into your relationship and causing doldrums in your sex life, it's time to shed your inhibitions and get more experimental to enhance sexual pleasure.
While you may have already indulged in different kinds of love-making with your partner, it's important to ensure the right settings to make the most of a night of passion. Be it the bedroom ambiance, surrounding items, lighting, aroma or anything that helps boosting your sexual desire, the decor of the room must be in accordance with your mood and the kind of sex you want to indulge in.
Marriage and relationship counselor Gitanjali Sharma elucidates, "Sex is a natural need for all human beings. But there has to be appropriate arousal for a night of passion and the environment, ambience and bedroom settings play a major role is stimulating your sexual hormones. Just like we eat when we are hungry, similarly, there has to be a sex drive and a physical desire to make you indulge in sex and it come from various things in the pleasure playground."
Couples indulge in sex for various reasons. Some want to experiment and try out new things in bed, while others love seeing their partner experience heights of pleasure. There are others too who love pampering their partner through diverse forms of sex.
Here are various settings that can enhance your sexual camaraderie.
Create an innovative environment during experimental sex
As the name suggests, an experiment signifies something creative and out-of-box, so it could be a wild sexual stint. Couples opting for experimental sex aim to bring back the excitement and lust filled initial-days of their relationship. No matter how long they've been into their relationship, there is a need to have an Earth-shattering sexual experience every once in a while.
DO IT RIGHT : Dr Amita Mishra, a sex and relationship expert suggests, "When it's about being experimental, try out just about everything. From the sofa to the floor, living room to the kitchen, bathtub to the garden, let your imagination take over completely. Enacting a porn star or a pole dancer act could take your spouse by surprise. Having meals in a semi-clad state will ignite your partner's erotic side. Keep sexual props like whips, chains, pompoms and streamers handy to add to the mood."
Pamper your beau during make-up sex
Make-up sex is a quick and effective way to get rid of an ugly argument, so if you had a gut-wrenching fight with your spouse, there can be nothing better than indulging in a sexual reconciliation. While the act gives you several chances to say 'sorry' to your partner, don't forget the right ambiance is e a blessing in disguise. Not only it will make your partner feel pampered, but also let you gradually descend towards a sex romp.
DO IT RIGHT : Marriage and relationship counselor Gitanjali Sharma adds, "Keep a nice musical show piece, preferably a couple doing ball dance, alongside the bed that makes a chiming sound to add to the soothing aroma that you wished to create. Also, a lavish chandelier placed right above your bed can create the right combination of light and shadow. Also, decorate the room with flowers, place some surprise gifts for your partner, use satin bed sheets, heart shaped pillows etc that create a perfect atmosphere that makes your partner forget the fight and enjoy the sexual gratification."
Keep it simple foe necessary sex
Necessary sex is all about decreasing sexual anxiety, accomplishing the Big O, and feeling good
about your sexual prowess. A sexual act that most couples perform as a vital part of a long-term relationship can also lead to special, intimate 'me-time' moments which relieve stress, burns calories and lift your sagging spirits.
DO IT RIGHT : Dr Amita says, "Just keep the settings simple. Stick to a conventional bedroom setting with a nice bed sheet and some scented candles boosting your sexual desires. A prolonged foreplay in or outside the bedroom area can gear you up for a gratifying act in bed. Indulge in a quick session of reading the Kamasutra to master new sex positions or watch a porn film together to set the mood for such 'necessary' sexual experiences. Remember, wearing saucy lingerie can also hit the right spot to woo your partner."
Sex on my mind on vacation
When it's about a sexual getaway, forget all domestic anxieties back home, as carrying them along will only decrease your sexual pleasure. Plan to have sex in a romantic locale that allows you to rediscover each another in a new light. Leave your laptop behind, turn the cell phone off and relax to make the sex better.
DO IT RIGHT : Gitanjali explains, "The perfect settings for recreational sex includes first indulging in a candlelit dinner with the right mix of aphrodisiacal food and wine, which you normally do not consume at home. A salsa dance session can further evoke your erotic senses, coupled with some sexual images placed appropriately on the walls of your room. Ideally try and opt for a room with a romantic or spectacular view of a lake or a mountain."
Bring vigour back during solace sex
Sex, undeniably, is the best remedy when you are feeling miserable, dejected, anguished or lonely. Sexual acts to relieve your tensions are more emotional, more engaging and possibly more expressive and thus the focus is more on cuddling, rather than on climaxing. Since couples look forward to intensifying their bond, the ambience during solace sex can really make a difference. Forget the regular bed; why not try it out in the bathtub?
DO IT RIGHT : Dr Amita agrees, "Use scented warm water, adding rose petals to set the mood, Furthermore, a hot shower together with your partner stimulates the sex hormones and also gives a chance for intimate moments. Lastly, a sensuous massage either with a chocolate spa or aroma oils can help in calming your tensed mind and thus giving you more comforting pleasure."
Keep it private for racy sex (one night stands)
Most couples would deny this, but love takes a backseat and it's the lust that comes to the forefront during a racy one-night stand. The lack of emotional attachment makes it easier for couples to climax.
DO IT RIGHT : There is something wildly erotic about the back seat of your car, or a dark stair case when you are in the throes of a quickies. The stimulation from the fear that you maybe caught red-handed leads to a lot more of experimentation, including oral stimulation. Get down and dirty, throw back your latent inhibitions and perk up the pleasure.

9 mantras to reclaim your sex life

If the credit crunch managed to limp your sex life last year, then here are nine tips from an expert to help restore those lost charms in the bedroom.

Dr. Ian Kerner, a New York City-based sex therapist, said that recession had taken its toll on people in general who were subsequently “having less sex”. "Fifty million people are stuck in a sex rut. The economy inhibits a person's libido because they feel stressed and depressed,” Fox News quoted Kerner as saying.

The author of Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parent's Guide to Getting It on Again has proposed nine ways to help those looking to give a boost to their passion.

Here are nine ways to reclaim your sex life:

1. Just go ahead with it: “It might sound silly, but just have more sex. Your mind has become habituated to not having sex, so it’s hard to break out of it. You have to reconnect.”

2. Connect with each other: “You can’t just turn sex on when it’s time to go to bed.You need to build that sense of connection."

3. Stay positive: “Studies show that for couples to boost their sex life, they have to be positive. It’s easy to go home and talk about mortgages and bills, but if it leads to a negative cycle of communication, figure out a positive form of communication.”

4. Prioritise your relationship: “Couples are spending more time on Facebook and blogs. The next thing you know it’s 11:30 p.m. and it’s too late for sex. There’s no urgent need to check your BlackBerry — your relationship has to be a priority.”

5. Adopt and maintain a healthy lifestyle: "It's easy to binge at the end of December with the holiday eating and drinking. Get healthy and remain healthy. It will increase your sex drive and exercise will boost your self-esteem, which is crucial to enjoying sex."

6. Reveal fantasies: “In sex, you often do the same things, rely on the same moves. Share a fantasy. Or, if you feel your partner is lacking in attentiveness, instead of criticising, express it in a sexy way.”

7. Lend a helping hand: “A lot of women aren’t interested in sex because they have other things on their minds like chores, dirty dishes and men can’t always appreciate that aspect. If men help and create an environment where women want to have sex, that’s really important.”

8. Be honest: “One of the benefits of being in a relationship is that sex isn’t perfect — guys are subject to their issues, women are subject to theirs. If in ’08 you were saying something didn’t matter, (maybe) it does in ’09. Sex changes from year to year and ’09 is a new year.”

9. Create the right environment, ‘the love nest’: “Put a little more energy into your surroundings. Create a surrounding that appeals to your senses.”

Tips to seduce your woman

Sydney's famous writer Sam de Brito, in his new book 'Building a Better Bloke', has admitted that he has had his share of dud dates - because his past approach to dating involved getting drunk.

 However he confessed that he has made a few adjustments when it comes to luring the opposite sex. And he has urged other men to do the same in his new book.






"I'm not trying to teach men how to be a pick-up artist or a stud, I want to show men how to build self-esteem, build a life for themselves - which in turn will attract women," the Courier Mail quoted Brito, as saying.






Brito's generation has lost the art of communicating with women. "Guys have fallen through the cracks. We like to think of men as bold and confident and a lot of them aren't," he said.






He said that for some, the biggest fear in life is approaching and striking up a conversation with a woman. In this case, he has suggested practice and a sense of humour is the key. The catch phrase of his book is: "Find a life and you'll find love". "The biggest thing is not to look cool, but to have a life with lots of interests. Get involved in your life, look after yourself, and you're primed to meet someone," he said.






He said that good manners and keeping clean are also important. "Be a gentleman. Respect yourself. Even if you're funny and charming, you're not going to get far with a woman if you smell," he said.






Besides clean sheets and clean fingernails, Building a Better Bloke also reminds men of the simple things, like holding a door open for women.






So here he suggests ten tips to lure a woman:






Stay healthy


Don't abuse alcohol or drugs


Have a job that means something to you


Be busy with your own activities


Be well groomed and clean


Have a sense of humour


Talk to women as individuals, not as a gender


Be a gentleman


Don't mix with loser friends


Have a clean bedroom, clean sheets - and a lamp to create romantic lighting

More teens indulging in unwanted sex: Survey

One third of Aussie teenagers have confessed that they have experienced unwanted sex, according to a survey.

The survey by the Australian Research Centre for Sex, Health and Society, at La Trobe University, has highlighted the vulnerability of teenagers, especially girls.

The fourth National Survey of Secondary Students and Sexual Health, involving 2926 students from 105 schools in state and private schools, was done last year in all states and territories.

The survey of the sexual experiences of the students, in years 10 and 12 found that the most common reasons for unwanted sex were pressure from a partner or just being drunk.

Researcher Anthony Smith said that, strikingly, girls in year 12 were having more sexual partners and drinking 30 per cent more than they did when a similar survey was done in 2002.

Smith said that the extent of unwanted sex detected in teenagers underscored the need for sex education in schools to better explain links between underage drinking and sexual behaviour that might be accompanied with regret later.

The survey has indicated a healthy awareness of safe-sex messages in teenagers.

Condom and contraceptive use was generally high among those who were sexually active.

Overall, one fourth of year 10 students, and more than half of year 12 students, said they had had intercourse.

Professor Smith said that the average age of the year 10 students was 15 and the year 12s was usually 17.

About a third of year 10s and almost 60 per cent of year 12s reported having had oral sex.

Smith said that it was notable how diverse sexual habits and behaviour were among contemporary youth.

‘‘We are not seeing broad general trends but changes that are gender and year-level specific,’’ he said.

While adolescent girls were becoming more sexually active generally, rates for boys had remained stable or had fallen slightly since 2002.

Today’s teenagers were more sexually active than any other generation, and they appeared not to be embarrassed about asking for information about sex.

A high number - 88 per cent - had actively solicited information from adults and peers. The main source for girls and boys was their mother (56 per cent), female friends (55 per cent) and school education programs (49 per cent).

And 90 per cent of teenagers who were sexually active indicated they wanted to have sex.a

Sex can be fun for teens

Britain''s National Health Service wants children to have a positive approach to sex, for which it has come up with new pamphlet, called Pleasure.

NHS in the Sheffield, South Yorkshire has released the booklet.

It apparently contains a section called "an orgasm a day'''' encouraging educators to inform teens about the positive physical and emotional effects of sex and masturbation, apart from demonstrations about how to use condoms and other contraceptives.

Teachers will now need to emphasise that sexual relations can be healthy and pleasurable instead of simply explaining the mechanics of sex and warning about diseases.

However, some people claim it will increase promiscuity.

"Some of it is good sense, but I think it''s wrong is to suggest that 16-year-olds should wantonly enter into having sexual intercourse for pleasure,'''' the Daily Telegraph quoted Anthony Seldon, headmaster of Wellington College, as saying.

He said: "I think this is medically wrong and emotionally wrong and will increase teenage pregnancy and impact negatively on the formation of a long-term loving relationship.''''

However, Steve Slack, who helped produce the leaflet as Director of the Centre for HIV & Sexual Health in Sheffield, said: "Far from promoting teenage sex, it is designed to encourage young people to delay losing their virginity until they are sure they will enjoy the experience.''''

Also, Ruth Smith, news editor of Children & Young People Now magazine, believes that the booklet will help young people become more comfortable with their sexuality.

He said: "Research shows young people feel pressured to have sex before they''re ready,'''' she said. "This booklet is intended to give them the skills to discuss it. It''s not a licence to go out and have sex, it''s saying if you do, do it, wait until you''re ready and enjoy it. It makes them more confident and more able to say no.''

Top 11 sex myths busted

Whether we appreciate them or not, we still like to know about sex myths and facts and if they are true or false.

There are as many sex myths and facts as there are couples! You may have heard someone say ‘oh they broke up as their sex life was poor’, or someone else’s package size is smaller so their married life didn’t succeed. Here are some facts which we sometimes like to ignore.

1. You can't get pregnant during your period - false!

There's a chance that you can get pregnant during a period, particularly towards the end of your menstrual cycle. Unprotected sex also increases the risk infection by sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

2. You can't get pregnant during unprotected sex if the man pulls out before he ejaculates - false!

Even though your boyfriend doesn't ejaculate, sperm can still be present in his pre-cum (the clear, sticky drops that are released when he's aroused). It only takes one sperm to get you pregnant, and the fluid can also contain sexually transmitted infections. Some men aren't aware that they are ejaculating until it's too late, and it's easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment.

3. You can't get pregnant while having sex standing up, or in the shower or bath - false!

If you have unprotected sex you can get pregnant, no matter how or where you do it.

4. You can't get pregnant while on the pill - false!

The chances of getting pregnant while taking the contraceptive pill are virtually nil, provided you are following the instructions correctly and consistently. But if you miss pills, are on antibiotics, or have sickness and diarrhoea, you need to use condoms for the next seven days.

5. It's safe to have sex as soon as you're on the pill - false!

Different types of contraceptive pills take different times to kick in. This can range from 0-14 days. Always follow the instructions prescribed with your type of pill, and use an additional form of contraception such as condoms during the time it takes for your choice of pill become effective.

6. Peeing after sex washes out sperm and prevents pregnancy - false!

For a start, urine exits the bladder through the urethra, which lies above of the vaginal opening. Which means any sperm in the vagina won't even get wet when you pee.

7. Men want sex more than women do - false.

Women want sex too - but they are guided by other emotions as well. For instance, house work, kids and holding onto a job are good enough reasons to go off sex completely. So we're exhausted! Plus, hormones make us feel like having a lot of sex during certain times of the month, rather than all of the time. And, because we tend to attach more emotions to sex than men do, we aren't going to beg him for action if he's been giving us attitude.

8. Happy couples have good sex most of the time - false.

Show me a couple that's having out-of-control, raging sex every night after years of sharing the same bed, and I'll show you a pig that can fly. Life and all its pressures get in the way for all of us. Does it mean your friend is lying if she claims to have fabulous sex after five years of marriage and two kids? Maybe. Or maybe she thinks you have a great sex life and doesn't want to admit she doesn't. Or maybe her definition of great sex is different than yours. Or maybe she really does have terrific sex... once a month. It's all subjective.

9. Men are more promiscuous than women - true.

The real truth is, this one is probably true, but by much less than you think. When polled about their sex lives, men overestimate while women underestimate, due to societal pressures. It's also totally dependent on how attractive the people in question are. An attractive, sexually liberated woman is likely to have had more partners than a not-so-fab-looking guy around the same age, for instance. It's called opportunity.

10. Women don't like porn or dirty sex - false.

Women love porn. It gives them new ideas and tricks to try out to make their partners happy. Plus, a lot of them are exchanged on emails or discussed between giggles next to water coolers in the office. Anyone who thinks men are the only ones mentally undressing that sexy passenger on the metro is deluded.

11. Men always want sex - false .

You need to give more credit to your partner than that! But if he is below 18 and has landed his first girlfriend, then perhaps it is true. However, as men get older responsibilities, daily pressures, work, bills etc. come in the way and he cannot think of sex all the time. But one look, and he is ready to jump into bed - that’s also true!

Single women prefer dogs to men

Single women would rather prefer the company of a dog than men, according to experts.

 Sydney Petcare owner Richard Durant said that more and more single women in Australia were in favour of the four-legged loyal and reliable companion.

 "In the past year 60 per cent of our new business has come from young single women. It''s a growing trend I''ve noticed over the last few years. These are women who live busy lives," The Courier Mail quoted him as saying.

"They want company when they get home. In many cases you''ll find the dog sleeps in their bedroom, and even in bed with them," he added.

Dogs New South Wales President Dr. Peter Higgins nodded in agreement.

 He said: "The fastest growing segment of dog owners in the inner city is young single women. It''s almost like a child substitute. They lead busy lives and they''re not in a relationship. That''s why dogs like Maltese terriers, which are the second most popular dog in Australia and the most popular dog in Sydney, are popular - they''re little and they have human-like features."

Australian Companion Animal Council President Dr. Kersti Seksel attempted to explain the preference.

 She said: "If you live alone, having a dog as a companion to come home to is often more appealing than a flatmate. Owning a dog increases the feeling of safety and security."

7 point guide to sexual bliss

as your sexual regime reached a dead end? Feeling bored? Follow our seven step sexual guide and feel your lost libido recharged

1. Change your sexual routine
Analyse your sexual regimen. Is it highly predictable? Is it more of a race to reach an orgasm? If so then perhaps you are in the midst of a sexual rut. So, get up and try breaking the sexual norm by doing the opposite of what you normally do. If you're having sex in darkness, try it in the morning or in the afternoon. If you're always getting down and dirty in the bedroom, enjoy a quickie on the kitchen counter or under the shower. If your man is always on top, surprise him by taking charge. Change your sexual POA to inject freshness into your sex life.

2. Show him the booty
It's not always a great idea to sashay around the house in sexy lingerie and killer heels if you want an instant arousal in your man. Why don't you surprise him by doing the dusting totally naked wearing a sexy G-string or indulge in some sexy shopping together. Men are turned on by what they see - so show him.

3. Make enough time
While sex is supposed to be spontaneous, unbridled passion, the pressure of jobs, children, and managing domestic chores leaves us with no time for sex. Try to give him hints that you are looking forward to a romp. Send suggestive and naughty texts and emails throughout the day. Spontaneity is a great mood builder and the anticipation and build up of something planned can be lots of fun.

4. Look back...
Remember the early days when you were in the first throes of lust when it was hard to keep your hands of each other? Most couples remember their initial years with affectionate nostalgia, so try and recreate those memories. Plan a nice dinner, reminisce about the first time you saw each other, what attracted you initially, and your first date. Recall the sexual connection, the pet names, personal jokes. Put on some sensuous music and dance around your living room to the song you first danced to. Recreate the thrill of having sex by doing it somewhere you might get caught! You share a rich history, so indulge in it a little - those that do are the couples that stay connected.

5. It's good to talk
Never sleep with anger within you. The unwritten rule of a great relationship is to really talk. Be open and honest. Talk about things you don't like in each other, irritating habbits. But remember to discuss the positive traits too - communicate what's important in your relationship; simply talking about why you love each other can help keep the passion alive.

6. Retain the mystery
A little bit of mystery adds spark to your love life. Sometimes when you are living with each other for years, you get too comfortable with each other and tend to be yourself with your partner. So keep the mystery alive and add some spice to your relationship.

7. Indulge your senses
Turn your bedroom into an erotic boudoir by adding loads of silk, satin sheets and colours that make you feel sexy. Cook aphrodisiacal meals together with naughty ingredients that really s-excite the taste buds, or share a candlelit bath with fragrant bubbles and scented oils. Make the time to indulge your senses and you'll soon your libido replenished.
Source: timesofindia.indiatimes.com

To spice up sex life try Outercourse

People who do not want to go all the way to sexual intercourse can still be more sexual and even more orgasmic with what sex experts call an "outercourse".
Outercourse is the umbrella term for any kind of sex play that doesn't involve oral or traditional sex, but still manage to offer sexual gratification for lovers involved in the act.
It's ideal in minimizing the spread of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and the risk of pregnancy, reports Fox News.
However, the method is not completely foolproof, as it depends on how much clothing people keep on.
Outercourse allows lovemaking to last longer, and couples are given the opportunity to soak in more of what the sexual experience is about.
Partners may feel closer and more connected with each other and themselves, while for new lovers, it allows them to build trust while feeling sexually connected.
For older, experienced lovers, outercourse can hurl them back in time, helping them to reclaim the thrill of the forbidden nature of sex.
Outercourse embodies a number of sexual activities, including:
Erotic Talk - Whether in the boudoir, over the phone, via text or online, lovers can catapult each other to a carnal cosmos with some lascivious lingo.
Sensual Storytelling - Between reading sexy stories and looking at erotica, lovers can entertain themselves for hours while playing with their own hot spots.
Role-Playing - By sharing fantasies, lovers can pick and choose their preferred real-life passion pursuits.
Erotic Massage - Lovers work every part of the body with scintillating sexual touch.
Kissing - Suck face and grope each other like teenagers, eventually showering your lover's entire body with kisses.
Cybersex - Via instant messaging, E-mail, Internet chatrooms, or cyberspace forums, lovers can have tech sex of all types. Maximum satisfaction is realized in how much you choose to touch yourself versus your keyboard.
Strip Teases - Give your lover his or her own private viewing, being sure to conclude your routine with some lush lip action and titillating touches.
Sexual Enhancement Products - Sex toys were practically made for outercourse. Offering variety, experimentation, and hours of entertainment, lovers can explore each other's bodies as they tap all of their senses.
Mutual Masturbation - Pleasure yourself for your partner's pleasure or erotically massage each other's bodies at the same time or take turns stimulating the other.
Dry sex - Lovers can rub up against each other to no end, stimulating each other into oblivion.

How to have great four play

According to reports this week, new lovers aren't the ones getting the most knee trembling action. On the contrary, long-term couples are having most fun in the sack, according to recent stats, reports The Sun.
A survey by Phillips intimate massagers found that couples who have been together for four years and two months are the most confident they have ever been when it comes to sex.
Two thirds of couples agreed that the longer you have been together, the more intimate your relationship becomes and one in twenty even suggested sex got better as long as 15 years down the line, as stated in The Sun magazine.
The poll, of 3,000 couples in long term relationships also found that the average British couple has sex once a week, and it lasts typically 29 minutes.
Here we speak to sexpert Simone Bienne for the low down on getting the loving you want, whatever stage of your relationship.
"Finally, a piece of research that tells it like it really is," she said.
"As a whole, we've started to think about sex on an entirely different level - and this research is evidence of this.
"Back in the nineties we were focusing purely on sex as performance related - meaning we just saw it as a physical act.
"But actually the best sex is multi dimensional.
"Emotional, mentally, spiritually and physically stimulating. The closer you are with your partner - the more you know them, and how to stimulate each other.
So why, if sex is never as good, do most of us have more of it when we've just met someone?
"At the beginning of a relationship your body is giving you a love cocktail of chemicals called PEA.
"This is evolution's way of carrying on the human race - because it makes us go at it like rabbits.
"After about 18 months, it wears off - but this means you have work out how else you get stimulated.
"You begin to see sex as something more important - emotionally and physically.
"Gwyneth Paltrow summed it up recently when she said on a chat show that she hated the first year of a relationship.
"As she put it, we all have a basic need to feel secure - before this time, it's hard to imagine a man still loving us without our regular bikini waxes or perfect makeup.
"It's the unconditional love of a long term relationship that makes us totally uninhibited and allows us to really enjoy sex - as we feel loved on more than a physical level.
"There is so many pieces of research that show couples in 40s, 50s and 60s are happier sexually than those in the twenties - its all down to security."
But does this make the idea of a quick fumble or one night stand as a way of releasing sexual tension entirely defunct - and should any of us really be indulging in it?

An orgasm a day keeps illnesses away

Women who regularly have orgasms are more energetic and suffer fewer illnesses than females who are left wanting more after sex sessions, says a new research.
According to a team from the Women''s Health programme in Australia, females who rate their sex lives highly have more vitality and a better psychological outlook than those who have sex less than twice a month.
Researchers analysed sex lives of almost 300 females aged from 20 to 65 to reach the conclusion.
Lead researcher Dr Sonia Davison, of the Women''s Health Program at Monash University, Australia, said: "We found that women who were sexually dissatisfied had lower well-being and vitality.
"This finding highlights the importance of addressing these areas as an essential part of healthcare, because women may be uncomfortable discussing these issues with their doctor."
As over 90 percent of women in the study reported their sexual activity involved a partner, and was initiated by the partner at least 50 percent of the time, the sexual activity of the women may have been affected by partner presence (or absence), partner health, and sexual function, which were not addressed in the study.
"The fact that women who self-identified as being dissatisfied maintained the level of sexual activity reported most likely represents established behaviour and partner expectation," said Professor Susan Davis, senior author of this study, also based at the Women''s Health Program at Monash University, Australia.
It also reinforces the fact that frequency of sexual activity in women cannot be employed as a reliable indicator of sexual well-being," the expert added.
Sexual medicine expert Dr Irwin Goldstein said: "This emphasises the role and importance of sexual health in women''s overall health and well-being."
The study has been published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.

'Sexercise' for that slim figure

Forget treadmills, long walks and Atkins diet, an expert has come up with a new way of staying in shape-and it has nothing to do with cutting out on carbs - it's indulging in plenty of sex.
Yes, you heard it right, "sexercise" makes a person slimmer - if you do enough of it. Combining sex and fitness is like killing two birds with one stone. Sex gets you fit. And being fit makes you want to have more sex. This is, in large part, because of all of the benefits a good sexercise routine offers, like: improved blood flow in strengthening your heart, better cholesterol, changing more of your bad cholesterol (LDL) to good cholesterol (HDL), weight control, better sleep and greater energy, including longer life and a better quality of life.
According to Fox News, women, in particular, feel more attractive with sexual fitness, since they produce more estrogen. This makes for shinier, smoother hair. Both sexes glow as their skin pores become cleansed, thanks to sweating. They feel sexier than ever. But how do you start this sexercise routine? Well, sex educator Dr.Yvonne Kristín Fulbright has come to your rescue.
Get a physical if you haven't in a while . While it may be laughable to do this, you're going to be physically active, accelerating your heart rate, pulse, and blood pressure. You're also going to be testing and developing your strength, stamina, and flexibility. As with any form of exercise, you need to make sure that you're good to go. Aim for half-hour romps 3-5 times a week. This may seem like a lot, but this is actually not very time-consuming. Consider the amount of time you put into your favorite TV show.
Remind yourself of the rewards. Sex for 30 minutes burns anywhere from 15-350 calories, depending on how physically active you are. This is the equivalent of calories burned during a half an hour of brisk walking,
running, or lifting weights. Vigorous or longer sex sessions five times per week can burn up to 1,650
calories! The active partner - typically the one on top - tends to burn more.
Don't lose focus. You can easily get distracted with all of sex's delights. But your goal is to make it burn. In a matter of weeks, you can notice improvements in the tone and strength of your stomach, back, buttocks, legs and arms.
Aim for variety. Your sexercise routine doesn't have to be routine. You can't take it for granted that sexercising won't be boring, at least not in the same way as your treadmill. So get creative.
Watch what you eat . Also maintain moderate exercise out of the bedroom. Take care of each other post-workout. After working up a good sweat, you'll have to hit the shower.

How to spice up love life

Bored with your sex life? Well, then sensate-focused sex is the name of the game for you.

The nice, slow lovemaking where all you do is focus on your sensations, is the new mantra to renew your sex life as you rediscover each other.

Sensate-focused sex exercises involve a series of behavioural practices, which offer variety and increased personal awareness through basic touch.

Originally developed by sex researchers Drs. William Masters and Virginia Johnson, sensate focus exercises involve each partner paying increased attention to their own sensations when stimulated.

Particularly for couples in sex therapy, the exercises have helped lovers to overcome issues like performance anxiety, rapid ejaculation, lack of orgasm and erectile dysfunction.

The benefits of sensate focus include, discovering new types of touch, spine-tingling sensations, increased comfort with physical intimacy, better awareness of your lover''s body, as well as your own.

Apart from these, going for such exercises can help couples to strengthen their relationship, and also guarantees no fear of failure, better sex communication, and heightened sexual excitement.

With such non-demands and pleasuring exercises, couples do not make sex goal-oriented, instead, they enjoy the experience of being with one another, touching and feeling each other''s bodies.

These highly structured touch activities are about enjoying physical contact to the fullest without trying to arouse each other and should not be mistaken as a form of foreplay, because it is the main experience in itself.

Done in several stages over time, they are tailor-made to a couple''s specific issues when working with a sex therapist, reports Fox News.

Couples in therapy are usually advised to abstain from having intercourse while focusing on the physical sensations triggered during sensate play.

This not only alleviates anxiety and mental distractions that lead to sexual difficulties, but also offer up a greater awareness of the wide range of stimuli that encompass all of the senses.

The rules for sensate focus sex are:

1. Breasts and genitals are off limits for the first few sessions.

2. Verbal feedback is limited unless you''re uncomfortable or in pain.

3. Do not try to elicit sexual response (but don''t sweat it if it happens).

4. After each session, be sure to process the experience.

Males who serenade females get more sex

Females of an Asian species of water strider keep their genitalia hidden to avoid any forceful copulation attempts, and expose them only after males produce a courtship "song" by tapping the water surface, according to a study. 

The study by Chang Seok Han and Piotr Jablonski at Seoul National University, Korea, found that females evolve a morphological shield to protect their genitalia from an approaching male. 

It is already known that the mechanisms for the way Darwinian natural selection, acts separately on males and females, result in different traits in males than in females. 

However, at times, a behavioural trait, such as mating frequency, depends on both the male and the female characteristics.  

In many animals, including humans, natural selection favours higher mating frequency in males than in females, which leads to an evolutionary "arms race" where males evolve adaptations that force females to mate, while females evolve defences against males'' attempts. 

In the study, it was observed that females of an Asian species of water striders, Gerris gracilicornis, win the evolutionary race by evolving a morphological shield behind which their genitalia are hidden from males, protecting them against the males'' forceful attempts to mate. 

Thus, in response to the female adaptation, after the violent mounting onto the female''s back (typical in water striders), males of this species produce courtship signals by tapping the water surface with their middle legs.  

And only after receiving the male''s "song" that the females expose their genitalia for copulation. 

The study has been published in the open-access, peer-reviewed journal PLoS one.

How to endure a sex marathon

Not very often does one get the opportunity to spend extended lovemaking time with their lover, but when such rare occasion does arise one should make it a point to keep it enjoyable as well as enduring.

Enduring a sex marathon can take a few hours or longer if the situation demands it, and many times it could go all night.

Thus, to keep oneself in good form, even the most virile and energetic must rest and rejuvenate, reports Fox News.

Before embarking on your sex marathon, it is better to be well-fed (but not too well) with food that releases energy slowly (such as grains and low GI carbohydrates) and be well hydrated.

And here are some tips on enduring a sex marathon:

Don''t orgasm

You can do this by choosing positions that provide less stimulation - because everyone is different, only you will know what these are for you. Change positions if you feel like you''re losing the power of your drive and erection or getting too close to orgasm. Bear in mind that having an orgasm isn''t the end of the session and you can take a rest before you continue. This is a good time to experiment with positions that you may not have tried with your partner.

Pleasure her to keep the focus off of you

If you do happen to need a rest while enduring a sex marathon or you do orgasm, you can easily shift the focus off of you and onto her. This can include cuddling, fondling, massage, general touching, and kissing. A rest does not have to be totally sexual in nature, and it is just as nice to make love for hours as it is to just touch each other in nice ways - or invent new ways of loving.

Don''t drink too much

Alcohol is known to be a relaxant and can be a wonderful addition to the time you share with your lover. In saying that, after two or more drinks, alcohol lowers a man''s ability to achieve and maintain erections, and can trigger an inability to orgasm for a long time. Alcohol also has sedative effects - it could cause you to fall asleep easily. Drinking can also encourage unsafe behaviour. Drinking too much alcohol will not help enduring a sex marathon.

Get creative

While enduring a sex marathon, you can introduce sex toys like vibrators, beads or sex paraphernalia such as whips, ropes and blindfolds. Food is also a great diversion and pleasure- ice cream, chocolate sauce or whipped cream are great. Get creative - you can draw out the process for quite some time with some very lusty teasing using these objects.

Keep lube handy

One of the main problems of sex play for hours could be dryness, so keep some good quality lubricant handy, one that tastes nice and is non-greasy. A glass of water nearby is also going to be useful, not only to rehydrate but to moisten your mouth.